Domestic Goddess in Training

Unspoken...

2012-01-21T19:42:00.003-05:00

Was playing around with some thoughts and the following popped into my head..

If you could look into the depths of my soul, you would see the whisperings of my heart.

The feelings that reside there are beauteous works of sacred art.

I wish that I could take your hand and draw you very near,

And into your ear I’d whisper the words you long to hear.

“I love you, my beloved!”

But the words remain unspoken, a truth never to be revealed.

And deep within my spirit, must my secret love stay sealed.

This just in...Sock Monster Sighting.

2012-01-20T21:47:00.004-05:00

My beloved friend Jessy sent me this picture the other day in an e-mail. She wrote, "Whilst opening my dryer mid-cycle, I managed to snap this photograph of the infamous Sock Monster, escaping to his lair; The Bermuda Sock Triangle..." Yes, ladies and gentlemen, we have actual documentation of the existence of the Sock Monster species that lives in everyone's dryers. As mentioned in the comments from the Mutant Mitten Troll post, I firmly believe that these two species are genetically related. Now that one has finally been spotted we must up the ante and try to apprehend one of these vile creatures for testing. Be vigilant! We will find a solution to this plague!

An Important Community Service Announcement...

2012-01-17T07:24:00.004-05:00

I would like to take time now to bring your attention to a very serious problem that plagues the Elementary Schools in this region, and I am beginning to suspect may also be a problem as much as to the National level, but my sources have yet to confirm this. Lurking in the darkest recesses (pardon the pun) of our Elementary schools is an infestation of epic proportions. In the places where even the most conscientious janitor dares not to venture you will find colonies thriving. These nasty little creatures are not easily spotted by the human eye, and they do not discriminate as to who will be their next victim, however they do have a strong preference for the younger children. Yes, these creatures are every parent's worst nightmare.... the Mutant Mitten Trolls!!!!

Highly intelligent and cunning, these creatures prey on the mittens of distracted children. The Mutant Mitten Troll will patiently observe it's prey (all day if necessary) in order to find just the right moment to pounce and abscond with said prey sight unseen; at the time of attack the Troll emits a noxious gas, similar in smell to that of a child's fart in order to confuse and further distract anyone in the immediate area... in the middle of the confusion, he makes his attack swiftly and escapes. In most cases, the child won't even notice the mitten is gone until the end of the school day. Now having a mitten stolen by one of these trolls wouldn't necessarily be a bad thing except for the fact that the Mutant Mitten Troll can only survive by eating only right-handed mittens...left-handed mittens are poisonous to the Troll and so he avoids them at all cost. Therefore you see the problem that then ensues at home because of this infestation. Children are constantly coming home with only their left- mittens... their right hands remain exposed to the elements and risk frostbite all because of these Mutant Mitten Trolls. We must find a solution to this problem... the sanity of many parents, and the warmth of our Children depend on it.

Thank you!

Acceptance...

2012-01-13T08:05:00.005-05:00

Part of the process of healing has involved really loving myself and accepting myself as I am. Now that encompasses so many intricate levels. One of the biggest challenges I faced was the fact that the medications I used to take caused me to gain a ridiculous amount of weight which in turn began to take a serious toll on my state of health; I developed imbalances in my triglyceride levels, hypothyroidism, and sleep apnea. In the 6 months since I stopped taking the medication I am pleased to say that I have lost 34lbs, the sleep apnea is gone, my thyroid gland is functioning normally again without medication, and my triglyceride levels are back to normal. Hopefully I will continue to lose weight in order to continue to improve my overall health, as we all know the health risks that go hand in hand with being overweight. This past New Year's Eve I attended a party at a friend's house, and was encouraged to dance. Jessy managed to snap this picture, and I'm so glad she did. I proudly accept myself the way I am. I may not be perfect, but I am still beautiful. Thanks Jessy for helping me to be able to say that! It's nice to feel comfortable in my own skin again! I accept that I will never again look the way I did when in the Maiden phase of my life... instead I fully embrace the Mother Goddess aspect of my life and the beauty and voluptuousness of the body that comes with it!!!

More Meditation messages

2012-01-12T14:04:00.003-05:00

On July 30, 2008 in another meditation I received the following message from my guides after pouring out my heart to them.

They said, " We are not asking, nor do we expect (or want you to) 'rock the boat' as you put it. We simply encourage you to discover what truly lies in your heart...to cease with suppressing and denying your inner Truth. By doing so, you free yourself from apathy, depression, anger, and rage. When you betray yourself, no matter the reason, you carry heavy weights and chains. We will help you, guide you, support you -- ask for our help always and then let us hold you in our loving embrace. We will carry you throughout the whole process. there is no need for radical life changes--we especially advise you against that. Just know what is in your heart, be honest with yourself. this will bring you inner peace and keep you on your true life's path. The darkness, the turmoil will pass, but you must release and accept your true feelings"

All I can say is WOW!

Healing...

2012-01-12T09:33:00.001-05:00

I mentioned in one of my posts yesterday about how I have undergone a healing and transformation process over the course of the past few years that finally seemed to come full-circle in 2011. I now realize that this healing process began almost simultaneously with the diagnosis of the Bipolar disorder. On August 26, 2006 I posted about a series of wonky recurring dreams that I had been having where I would travel to a Chinese temple. At that temple a Chinese elder (whom I now believe was perhaps an Ascended Master) would work on me, knitting together the fibers within my brain…reorganizing and restructuring them to function properly. Now I would still have to deal with Doctors and medication, and struggle with an emotional roller-coaster for the next 5 years, but I believe healing was occurring, and I received confirmation of this fact almost 2 years after this dream.

On May 28, 2008 I found myself with a rare free moment where I chose to spend that time in meditation. I had forgotten to take my medication that morning, and as I meditated, I received a gentle nudge from my guides to go take them… as I argued the point with them (as stubborn people like me are apt to do) I also received a promise from them. They said, “It is important at this moment… for now, you need to take them (medication) as you’re supposed to . Do not worry about the rest. Your healing is happening. We are with you and we have begun the healing process, Dear One. But, for now, you still need the medications. Rest assured that the day will come when you will be free of this. Healing is happening on many levels, but for now you must continue with your treatment.” WOW! Of course the skeptic in me wondered if this were really true, or just wishful thinking on my part, so I asked for a sign. As my gaze fell across the yard to the boys’ swing-set, a male cardinal landed on the exact spot where I was looking. Even then I wondered, but I did get up to go take my meds.

That promise stuck with me, and from time to time I wondered how long it would be until it would come to pass…although part of me never expected it would be possible, and I almost even totally forgot about the promise I received that day. I focused on following my treatment and trying to improve myself every day…every day I had to fight through the fog of the medication-induced haze. Time passed and eventually my former Psychiatrist resigned his job and I was transferred to a new Psychiatrist...and that was a whole mess of shit. Every time I was scheduled to have an appointment with this new doctor, something managed to get in the way…one of the children came down with a fever… car broke down… and a couple of times the Doctor had to cancel. My opinion of her plummeted when I fought through my driving anxiety and got to the hospital for my 9:30 AM appointment one day only to be told that it had been cancelled. “Oh Madame, I called you at home but you didn’t answer. We called you just after 9AM!” Sure, fat lot of good that does when I live over an hour away and had to leave the house at 8AM just to be on time! Long story short, almost a year ended up passing without me ever having an appointment with this doctor. In May 2011 my prescription renewals were about to expire, and I called the Psychiatrist’s office (as I had been instructed to) in order to get the Dr. to call the pharmacy for a renewal. The secretary returned my call to inform me that the new doctor absolutely would not renew my meds because she had never met me and could not provide me with an appointment until at least a month after I would end up running out of medication. *NB: when I began taking the medications, it was drilled into my head that I should NEVER, ever stop taking the medication for any reason, and here my doctor was putting me in a situation where that’s exactly what I would be forced to do.

So I was forced to stop my medication over 6 months ago…I was scared…but I had no choice… I am proud to say that my head is clear, and I have been more stable than I have ever been in my life. It has been consistent, and it is wonderful.

Sisters...

2012-01-11T13:49:00.004-05:00

For the longest time after my friendship with "Angel" ended, I thought perhaps I would never have such a friendship in my life again. Angel's frustrations with my behaviour (and her serious lack of knowledge regarding mental illness) led her to attack my character* and verbally vomit every single character flaw that pissed her off. Struggling with depression and self-loathing at the time, I took it all to heart, and for a while I truly believed that I was incapable of being a good friend to anyone. *Now here I must pause and address the fact that although Angel attacked my character, she did it directly to me. From what I can gather from bits and pieces of information that I learned over the years, I truly believe that she NEVER talked smack about me to other people behind my back after the fact. I recently had an e-mail conversation with a mutual acquaintance, Fleur, who has remained very close to her over the years. Fleur didn't even have a clue that Angel and I haven't spoken in years.

I still longed for female friends, and I also longed for a local coven to practice with. I finally found the Silver Roan Circle and went for coffee with MoonRaven (Créations Jessy) and WestWinds. We clicked instantly, but even after that I had a final struggle with depression that I had to get through before I would finally attend a Full Moon Ritual with them in the Spring of 2011. It took some effort on my part to get past the depression, and even on the night of the ritual I almost didn't go...I am so glad I did. As I began to practice regularly with them and get to know them outside of circle as friends I in turn began to blossom. In the summer 2011, another beautiful soul, Canu Sidhe, came into our lives and into our circle, and the bond with her is equally strong. I am so happy that I bit the bullet and fought through my depression to attend that first ritual even though I didn't feel like leaving the house because these women have become Sisters to me in every way. We have known each other for only a very short time, but it's as if we've known each other forever...it's hard to even remember what life was like without them!

Transforming...

2012-01-11T12:26:00.004-05:00

Along with my "Bipolar" troubles, I was plunged into darkness and despair after losing my very best friend at the time, "Angel", a few years back. No, she didn't die, but our friendship did. She was driven away by the veil of darkness and narcissism that had taken a hold of my mind. It's funny how the worst experiences of our lives can be transformational. As difficult as losing her friendship was, it turned out to be the breaking point that opened my eyes and forced me to get the help I needed. I started to take responsibility for my illness which in turn allowed true healing to begin. The healing did NOT happen overnight... it has been very long process (several YEARS), but I have seen major milestones...results of that healing...in 2011. In my upcoming posts I will speak a bit about this transformation. As I mentioned in my first post today, I will try to break it down into bits and pieces so that nobody (including me) gets confused... at least I hope :D

REPOSTED: Morning Devotions

2012-01-11T09:46:00.004-05:00

Until I can wrap my brain around exactly how to approach all of the topics I need to update, here is a bit of fun. I am reposting from one of my earlier entries sometime in 2008 (yeah, I forgot to note the date...oh well)

Jessy, I think you will love this one!

Morning Devotions...

Lovely Java,
Who art in my coffee pot,
Hallowed is your essence,
Your aroma and full-bodied flavor, good for my mind and my body
Give me today the ability to function
As my "engine" is having trouble to get going.
Java is my salvation, it keeps me awake,
It maketh my eyes pop open and my body to get going,
Yea though I wish to crawl back into my bed, it's caffeine content boosts me,
Help me to get through yet another morning;
For thine is the power to kick me in the butt, and to clear the cobwebs out of my brain.
Amen

<>
Okay, so maybe it's not a very good "poem", but it's true...

New Beginnings

2012-01-10T20:46:00.006-05:00

My poor beautiful blog has been so horribly neglected...it's hard to believe that it has been over a year since I last posted. So I will have to spend some time bringing you up to date on the adventures of the Domestic Goddess in Training AKA WitchHazel. Since my last post, much has changed, but if I try to bring you up to date all in one posting, I fear you may become lost and confused...perhaps dare I say, even bored by my ramblings. So I will try to make my updates in small increments so as not to overwhelm you... heh heh... and so as not to overwhelm my own poor, erratic brain!

Off to school they go...

2010-09-03T07:39:00.002-04:00

It's back to school time which would usually be a welcomed relief from the craziness of summer with both my boys home. But back to school this year was particularly difficult for me because my youngest started Kindergarten. It doesn't help that Mykah is still very small for his age...he will be 6 years old in December, but he's still about the size of your average 4-year-old. I've cried a little, and I'm still adjusting to being alone during the day... but I refuse to wallow. Instead, I am making the choice to be happy for Mykah (who makes it a little easier by being so excited to go to school). I choose to be excited, and I can't wait to see where Mykah's gifts and talents will emerge and flourish.

Because of the high heat and humidity this week, it's been a big challenge to keep myself occupied... it's just been too hot for housework, cooking/baking, exercising, and even cleaning (although I did manage to take care of a couple of chores that just HAD to be done). Thankfully, the weather is supposed to cool down after today, so that will help.

Domestic War-Zone...

2010-04-09T08:45:00.002-04:00

It seriously looks like someone set off an A-bomb inside of my house! The giant killer dustbunnies have taken up arms and are holding me hostage!!!

Okay, okay, so maybe I can't truly blame it on the killer dustbunnies (although I'm sure I heard them under my bed this morning whispering plots of world domination) but my house truly does look like a war-zone. Oh the tragedy... what a mess!

The good news is that my medication has been working well, which means that I've been more or less balanced... the Bipolar mood swings are more stable than ever. Ironically, the good news is also the bad news because life without even the mild Bipolar highs is BORING!!!!!! Mild hypomania used to be the catalyst for some very excellent, focused housecleaning, but since I no longer seem to have even the slightest hypomania whatsoever, I feel lost.

Beautiful Spring!!!

2010-03-08T07:39:00.004-05:00

The beautiful weather we've been having lately is so encouraging. I am pretty sure that Spring is here to stay because the floorboards in my house are usually more reliable at predicting Spring than any groundhog! What happens is that every year as Spring arrives, the gaps between the floorboards widen slightly. We noticed last week that this had started to happen, and last year it didn't start until early April. YAY!!!

The snow is melting quickly, so it will soon be time to begin the process of cleaning up our yard. Having a 15,000 sq.ft. property with about 20 trees (and most of them are oak trees), we have a lot of work ahead of us because of fallen branches, acorns, and leaves that fell too late last year. Once that is done, then I can start garden projects... and planting!

Morning Glories of assorted colors are a MUST for my flowerbeds in the front yard, and since I used up the last of my seeds last year, I put them on my shopping list to make sure I wouldn't forget. Little did I know, my husband read my list when I wasn't looking, and my sweetheart went out on Saturday and bought the Morning Glory seeds for me (he knows just how much I love them). Now that I have the seeds, my next challenge will be to have something for the vines to climb. In the past I would simply buy a type of plastic netting that we'd staple to the roof, but I want to go with an environmentally friendly option this year and so I will attempt to build some sort of trellis from the fallen branches we pick up from the yard. Gilles thinks it's a dumb idea... he thinks it will be ugly and when I told him I would need the branches, he actually had the nerve to try and tell me I couldn't do it in the front yard. I told him "since I am the one who plans and plants the flower beds I will do as I damned well please. Anyway, I wasn't asking your permission; I was informing you of what I am going to do, so don't throw out the friggin' branches!" Argh... Men!

Spring Break!

2010-03-04T09:53:00.004-05:00

So Zachary is on Spring Break, and while it's nice to have both boys at home, they are also driving me nuts. For example, this morning I woke up to the two of them screaming at each other over stupid Mini-Go yogurts! Now I don't do mornings well at the best of times and the kids KNOW that, so to for me to wake up to such screaming is a really bad thing. So when I flew into the kitchen, my hair all disheveled, their screaming stopped, and they got that "Oh, Shit!" look on their faces... and they scattered. Yeah, it's funny now after I've had my 3 tankards-full of coffee. Needless to say, the screaming stopped and they were very quiet and well-behaved for the next 2 hours. YES! It may have taken me 7 years to do it, but I think I'm finally mastering the "Mom's look of death." It is such a beautiful tool. Muahahaha... I have the power to stop them dead in their tracks with a mere look... I feel so omnipotent!!!!

Yesterday...bad, bad, bad...

2010-02-04T19:00:00.004-05:00

I woke up yesterday morning with the usual dense fog inside my brain, although it was one of my worse brain-fogs as it was affecting my depth perception too, I think. I poured myself a large mug of coffee (holds 3-cups worth of coffee), and sat on the couch to watch Canada AM and to contemplate my coffee as is my usual routine. Zachary needed me to help him fix the collar of his shirt, so I put my mug on the coffee table (or so I thought)... as I reached to fix his shirt, my mug of coffee toppled to the floor, spilling the precious morning elixer all over the floor, and causing the sacred coffee vessel (mug) to break...grrrrrrrrrrrrr. It was going to be a difficult day; I went out for a smoke.

Now, you'd think that when I saw the huge raven circling above my head I would have realized that my day would turn out to be a little worse than I had expected, but what can I say... without my first 3-cups of coffee being in my body, I was not very sharp at that point. Although I did know my offense against the java gods would more than likely come with a price...but more about that later.

Anyway, the rest of the day was mediocre. Around 4pm I had to go pick up Zach from an after-school activity, and since Gilles wasn't home yet, Mykah had to come too. We arrived a little earlier than I anticipated which meant we had to wait for Zach's activity to finish. While we were waiting, didn't Mykah slip and fall on the wet floor, hitting his head on the metal frame on the window! Yeah, split open his head, lots of blood... Mykah was freaking out (so was mommy on the inside). The freaky thing is that it's almost in the exact same location as when he did the same thing last year. Poor little guy... but he was sooooo good at the clinic, and 4-stitches later he's fine.

Oh yeah, as for the spilled coffee... my penance was having to go a full day without fresh coffee because my HUSBAND FORGOT TO BUY THE GROUND COFFEE!!! I had to drink crappy decaf instant coffee.... believe me, it was sheer torture! Double grrrrrrrr...

But all is well now... he arrived home today with 2 big tins of coffee... now I'm very happy! The java gods are forgiving once the divine life-lesson has been learned! Don't waste the damned coffee!!!!:D

Pending choices...

2010-01-06T10:10:00.003-05:00

I am pretty sure that 2010 is going to be a very busy year for my family. Thankfully I can ease into it gently as I don't expect things to go full-throttle until the Fall when Mykah will start Kindergarten... will I go back to work right away, and if so, will I work full-time or part-time?

For now, I just plan to enjoy the remainder of Mykah's time home with me... honestly, I was blessed with him because he's so easy-going that it's a pleasure to have him with me all the time. I can take him anywhere (shopping, doctor, etc), and I know it won't be a problem because he's remarkably patient and well-behaved for his age... it really is amazing.

Whoa...

2009-08-04T16:25:00.002-04:00

Where on earth has the time gone? How did it get to be August so fast?
Well, having Z home for the summer has not been as crazy as I had feared. At first, it was pretty crazy with the boys squabbling almost constantly, but after the first week or so things calmed down as the boys got used to being together during the day again.

Now, if I can just get it into their heads that the toads from our yard don't like living in their bedrooms, we'll all get along just fine! :D

Summer is a-coming

2009-06-12T18:04:00.003-04:00

It seems like only yesterday we sent Zach off for his first day of school, and now there's only 6 more days of classes until he's finished Kindergarten! He enjoys school so much that I'm going to have my hands full this summer trying to keep him from getting utterly bored. I just hope we have nice weather this summer so we can spend a lot of time outdoors!

One goal I have for this summer is to teach the boys how to swim, and especially to get Zach to finally face (& hopefully overcome) his fear of the pool.

Ow, ow, ow!!!!

2009-04-19T00:04:00.002-04:00

My whole body is in a state of protest... it's bitching at me about the amount of manual labor I put it through doing some gardening today. I originally planned to devote about 30 minutes to work in the garden, but I lost track of time. So 30 minutes became 2-1/2 hours without me even realizing it. Despite my aching muscles, I am very pleased with what I accomplished today.
Unfortunately, today's gardening has seriously aggravated a problem I've had for a few months now with my wrist. I can no longer avoid going to the doctor about it; I'm sure it'll require an X-ray....grrrr.

Rambles and Miscellany

2009-03-03T21:33:00.003-05:00

So I've pretty much been in deep-hibernation mode for the better part of this winter! I celebrated Yule and Christmas at Mom's. My sister and her husband were in from Michigan, and I wanted to spend as much time with them as I could, so the kids and I stayed at Mom's for about a week and a half. The kids and I returned to our house on December 28th, which is when my deep winter "slumber" really kicked in. Since Dec. 28th I've only been away from my home a total of 4 times - and only because those outings were for Dr. appointments, and to help Zach with a presentation at school!

The good news is that despite the fact that Old Man Winter is still holding on tight, I am starting to feel like a human being once again (as opposed to feeling like a big, grumpy grizzly bear). I think my Spring Fever has started to kick in a little prematurely -- I'm dying to be able to get started with the gardening. I would like to start some more seeds indoors, but I really don't have a suitable place with adequate lighting to keep the flats. Eventually, I'd like to get a proper shelving unit designed for incubating seeds and young seedlings. But for now, I need to either come up with a creative (inexpensive) solution, or wait until it's safe to plant the seeds directly outdoors.

Reiki II

2008-11-17T15:33:00.003-05:00

Yesterday, I received my attunement to Reiki II. Wow! What an experience. My teacher is Lynn Neilson . I feel so good, and am grateful to be able to do distant healings now, especially since my sister lives in Michigan and has been sick a lot since she got there.

Yule is on its way... home made decoration

2008-11-06T10:37:00.004-05:00

I am really trying to get my Yule preparations and stuff done as early as possible. As a solitary Witch, Much of my learning, comes from books, and the Internet (I start my searches at sites I have learned are "respectable," usually starting by following links from websites and blogs run by well-respected members of the Montreal Pagan Community.

The book, "Yule: A Celebration of Light and Warmth" by Dorothy Morrison is a good source of arts and ideas for Yule (and Christmas) celebrations. I use other resources too, but this is one of the first ones I refer to

Easy-to-Make Sun-Catcher - from "Yule" by Dorothy Morrison

Wax Crayons
2 sheets of waxed paper
2 sheets of construction paper (black suggested, but can used whatever color you wish)
Large Paper bag
Saucer
Compass, pencil, pencil sharpener, hole punch, scissors, Glue
Ribbon
Iron (& Ironing Board)

Use saucer to trace circle on each sheet of construction paper, AND each sheet of waxed paper.
Place the compass point in the center of each construction paper-circle and draw a 2nd circle (about 1/2" smaller than its measurement. Cut out center, keeping resulting paper "rings"
On top of of paper bag, place 1 waxed paper circle.
Insert different colors (your choice) of the crayons into sharpener, allowing resulting wax shavings to fall onto the circles.
Arrange crayon shavings as desired, ensuring there are small mounds with a bit of space between. When done, place the 2nd circle of waxed paper on top.
Plug in the iron, set to Medium heat. Gently slide iron over top of waxed paper circles until the crayon-shavings melt in-between.
Allow to cool for a minute or two, then glue the construction paper "rings" to the front and the back.
Punch a hole in the top, thread the ribbon through, and tie it into a nice bow.
Hang decoration in a sunny window, and enjoy.

**The beauty about this craft (or any craft) is that although colors may be written in the instructions, it should never be considered to be set in stone... Use your imagination, and allow yourself the freedom to modify the craft according to your preferred colors...

Extra Ideas: sprinkle sparkles in along with the wax crayon-shavings.

For example, my major colors of preference for decorating my home for the Yuletide Season are Deep Blues & Gold... but I do add some complementary colors in appropriate places

Morning Devotions...

2008-10-22T07:34:00.003-04:00

"Old McDonald..." according to Mykah

2008-10-07T13:12:00.004-04:00

So, Mykah has his very own version of the song "Old McDonald":

"Old McDonald had a farm. E-I-E-I-O!
...and he had a cow... moo-moo, moo-moo-moo...
...and he said YEE-HAW!"

Needless to say, Mommy ended up doubled-over in hysterical laughter.
Gotta love kids.

Sri Vast...

2008-09-29T07:50:00.002-04:00

I am so excited! I am going to a workshop at the H~OM Yoga Center in Vaudreuil on Wednesday Night for a workshop with Guruji Sri Vast. Originally I wanted to go to a retreat with him October 3-5 in Harrington, QC, but finances didn't allow for it this time. So you can imagine my joy when I found out that he would be speaking at a facility which is only 10 minutes away from my home.
You must understand, that this man is so full of peace and joy that it comes across even when watching a video clip of him speaking; these can be found on YouTube...just type in Sri Vast. I watched the two "dancing with the Master" clips the other night. Between the two clips, it's about 20 minutes of dancing and celebration at the ashram in India; I couldn't help but tap my feet and bounce in my chair... it was so fun!

His detailed website is:
www.srivast.org

I really am what I eat...

2008-09-26T08:36:00.002-04:00

It's amazing how much one's diet affects overall health and well-being! I have been slowly making the transition to eliminating red meat and poultry/fowl from my diet, but now I've cut it out completely! I haven't eaten meat in over a week, and the difference is astounding! Within only 2 days I started seeing a difference! My mind is clear and focused, my emotions are balanced, and my energy levels and motivation to do things... well, I'm keeping up with the housework without trying to clean the entire house in a single day. Whoa, I'm acting like a "normal" homemaker!

At this point, I'm not even willing to consume a single piece of meat, even if only to test my theory. I feel good without being in a manic state, and I am going to do whatever it takes to keep it this way. LOL... I think I'm going to make Sushi for Thanksgiving dinner!

Getting Healthier...

2008-07-09T10:44:00.003-04:00

In the past month or so, my moods were getting unstable once again. However, in the two weeks leading up to June 20th, they started getting progressively worse (to the point where I was having mixed states, depression and mania; and I could cycle from one to another within minutes. It was to the point where I told Gilles I needed to be hospitalized, and he agreed, Luckily, I had an appointment with my Psychiatrist on June 20th. After explaining what was going on, my Dr. agreed. I was there from June 20th to the 25th.

It turns out that it was a good thing! The GPs who work in the Observation Area ordered a complete biochemical, hormonal profile bloodtest. That showed that although I don't have high Cholesterol, my HDL(good) cholesterol is way too low. On top of that, they found that I have an underactive thyroid. Also, when the Dr. examined my abdomen, I had two very painful areas on my left side (might be an ovary). So, due to that, and the fact that I've had no periods for 5 months now, I have a bunch of other tests to do; They're checking for something called hirsutism, and for polycystic ovary syndrome. I have a cerebral CT scan tonight, a chest X-ray tomorrow, a full medical exam on July 28th, and I am still waiting for an appointment for an Ultrasound of my abdomen and pelvic area.

Soup, Soup everywhere...

2008-06-15T23:40:00.002-04:00

So, I'm slowly making dietary changes that include cutting down and eventually eliminating red meat from my diet... poultry and the like will come after, but one step at a time. Basically I want to get to the point of "no feathers, and no fur," as a good friend of mine puts it. Where it will go from there remains to be seen, but at least it's a start. It's partially a matter of choice, but my body seems to be forcing me to go in this direction too. I was raised in a "meat and potatoes" family... red meat at least 3 times a week. That had already begun to change over the years, but recently, my body is just saying, "ENOUGH!!!!!"

It was an accidental discovery, actually. Back in March, I think, I made a batch of carrot soup (we're talking 12lbs. of carrots, onions, potatoes, leeks, green onions, vegetable broth, garlic and spices depending on what flavour I'm looking for. Well, with Gilles working in Alberta... I often just made simple meals for the kids, and I hated cooking just for myself, so I was eating only carrot soup with legumes, some whole grain bread... very light. Well, without realizing it, I went more than a month without eating meat whatsoever. I've lost 24 lbs since January, and I felt really good the whole time I was off the meat. And let me tell you, I couldn't believe how much detoxifying my system did while I was doing that.

Now, I find that I really have to be careful if I do eat meat... and I just prefer to avoid it; sometimes just the sight of it makes me ill... and believe me, this is something HUGE for me... I really became aware of the change when Gilles was home and made bacon and eggs one morning (I used to pig out on occasions when bacon was made)... it smelled so good, but after 2 small pieces I had to stop or else I was going to be sick.

Yesterday, I made another big batch of Carrot soup, and I think I'll keep myself on my little "soup-diet" again for a few weeks. But I have got to convince Gilles to slowly let me take over the grocery shopping. I'm glad he's frugal with money, but in his zeal to pinch every penny he can, he refuses to buy anything organic, or total vegetarian for me. He says, "If we do that, our grocery expenses will go up 100%." Well, I won't put down exactly what I said to him, because it was rather nasty. But if he would look at the long term... it's a fact that a healthier lifestyle, and vegetarianism improves overall health... it would reduce long-term costs in terms of improving my health. It would make it easier for me to lose weight, and if I lose weight, our expenses for my medication would drop, because most of my meds are prescribed according to my weight.... less fat=weight loss=less cash spent on pharmaceuticals (and less cash spent on other OTCs because of problems caused by obesity)

Still going forward...

2008-06-06T10:32:00.004-04:00

Progress is good in terms of making sure I'm doing things consistently around the house, every day. I took a huge step forward in terms of getting the "for hanging up" laundry basket emptied, an purging and organizing the bedroom closets. My husband actually has a fair-share of space in our closet now. Clothes which were too small for Zach were put for Mykah, and anything that was too small for Mykah (or shirts that don't fit over his rather "generous-sized" head were put in boxes for my sister to look through. The difference is phenomenal!!! All of a sudden, the laundry was no longer overwhelming.

Reading and taking baby-steps

2008-04-25T18:52:00.003-04:00

So, as per my last post, I've finished reading "The Power of Now", and "A New Earth" (both by Eckhart Tolle). I have definitely felt myself living in the present more often, and actually made a major breakthrough in taking the first step to overcoming a major issue which is the biggest source of conflict in my marriage. For the first time in our marriage, I stayed away from the credit card debt, and actually managed to put aside a small amount of money in savings. Gilles is in disbelief!

My "Domestic Goddess" idol

2008-04-18T10:09:00.006-04:00

I have decided to outwardly acknowledge my "Domestic Goddess" diva, and mentor in this blog. That would be, and always has been, my sister. But today, in particular, I must acknowledge, and shout from the hilltops. "Butthead, you are my idol!!!!!!"

Not only can this true Domestic Goddess work full-time, and maintain a nice clean home. But today, she's making lasagna, and closing down the snow-blower all in the same day! I bow down in awe, and pray to the Gods that I will become even half as awesome as you!!!

On that note, I plan to start blogging regularly again, actually more regularly than before.... consistently... as that is one important thing I am striving to make a part of my life. I have also decided that I will blog more about progress, of course, in my Domestic Goddess training, and, as it can sometimes hinder or help my development, about the challenges of Bipolar disorder. I will aim, not to make this a "bitch-fest", where I complain, and where the energy is negative. My aim will be to bring fun and laughter where I am able, and to help educate more about the good and the bad that can come from having Bipolar Disorder.

I refuse to use this illness as an excuse, or as a crutch, and at this point I am actively working to turn and to use, what might be seen by some, a s0-called hindrance into a precious gift. A good metaphor I can think of comes from Eckhart Tolle's book, "The Power of Now," I have decided to learn the art of alchemy... to turn base metal into precious gold. I have a few books lined up to read, and when I actually have them in front of me, I will give a more detailed list. Although, I can start with the following which are all by Eckhart Tolle:

Practicing the Power of Now (I've read "The Power of Now", and it was awesome...I will be reading through it again.)
Stillness Speaks
A New Earth

I also have a book to read about Bipolar II (which is how I'm classified):

Bipolar II: Enhance your highs, Boost your Creativity by Ronald R. Fieve, M.D.

More to come...

I'm Ba-ack!!!

2008-04-18T10:06:00.003-04:00

Sorry for the length between posting... a strange situation over the holidays has quite a bit to do with that. I will spare the details on that, however, as there were other people involved, and although perhaps some people would say it would be appropriate and well-deserved, I choose not to even make nasty comments about the situation or the other people involved. I know my part in dealing with it was not exactly perfect either.

Dreams...recurring theme

2007-11-14T12:08:00.000-05:00

I have been dreaming a lot lately about sea mammals, particularly Dolphins and Orcas. One involves a swimming pool that is open in the day, and at night, the water level drops to reveal a large enclosed tank with Orcas swimming in it...that has been a recurring dream, but the other night I got a tour of the administration side of the enclosure...like a stone cave but brightly lit.

Last night I dreamt about dolphins. I was walking along a boardwalk, and to my left I could see a dozen dead, decaying dolphins in a huge orange body bag. I felt angry and indignant, and wanted to find out what had happened to them...I was also sad at the loss of these dolphins, because it was obvious they had not died of natural causes. I found myself at the edge of a large, deep tank, and the dolphins came to me telling me they loved me; I jumped into the water with them, touching their smooth skin, feeling wonder, and joy at this experience. but that was ruined when I realized that the "dolphin killer"was coming. I told the dolphins they had to leave, and I was afraid for them. But they couldn't leave because there was a large cage surrounding us, and we couldn't find the exit.

Feeling decent for a change...

2007-11-05T15:27:00.000-05:00

I saw my Psychiatrist on Friday, and he switched around all my meds. I'm down to 50mg of Paxil, 2mg of Clonazepam, still at 1500mg of Valproic Acid, and up to 125mg of Seroquel. I've also started taking a bee pollen supplement, and I think it's helping me to have a bit more energy. Due to the med changes, I kind of felt lousy over the weekend, but today, I did a lot more stuff than I've done over the past 3 months. I finished laying down the hay over my Vegetable garden, and I helped Gilles a bit with putting the leaves in bags...LOL so far we have 47 full bags of leaves, plus he put a large pile in an area to try and make compost over the winter. I still get tired easily, and my feet and my back get sore rather quickly. My back is still painful from the fall I took out of my bed...I hope it goes away soon. Anyway, I'm proud of what I accomplished today.

Doing better...

2007-10-20T13:04:00.000-04:00

So I am doing better emotionally, although I still could use some extra help in the life-skills area. I ordered a book on Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD), and was relieved to discover that a large part of it is biological (meaning how chemicals and messages are processed in the brain). I was also relieved to find out that with therapy, it is possible to improve to the point where although I may still have a couple of BPD symptoms, I can reduce the symptoms where I would no longer be classified as having BPD. I will not use this diagnosis as an excuse to do stupid things, but at least now I know why my behaviour and moods have been so erratic and impulsive (don't forget, I also have Bipolar Disorder). But the BPD explains why I have the tendency to be extremely impulsive, cause harm to myself by scratching at sores, and my temperament can turn on a dime. I can go from adoring and idolizing a person one minute, to hating, loathing them the next. With BPD, a person tends to see things in Black and White, and can't see the shades of gray. An example given in the book I'm reading is "the normal person will think, I like John, but I hate it when he's late. The person with BPD will think John is a nice person when he's on time, but he's a jerk when he's late"

More to deal with...

2007-10-11T16:00:00.000-04:00

So I saw my psychologist yesterday, and we had a good long talk. She revealed to me that not only do I have Bipolar Disorder, but I also have Borderline Personality Disorder. Now I have to learn about that so I can deal with that too...grrrrrrrrrrr

General update and foolishness

2007-10-07T20:35:00.001-04:00

Well, things in the garden are coming to an end. I have managed to grow one beautiful pumpkin for Samhain, and I can actually see a few others trying to start, but I doubt they will be ready in time. I had one larger gourd, but it seems to have disappeared! I am very confused about that; do racoons eat pumpkins? I've bought abou 10-12 bales of hay, and I need to get started trampling down dead plants, and getting the hay laid down. I need to put 6-8 inches of hay all over the garden, and then the remaining bales will be placed on the grass by the edge of the garden to naturally extend the size of the garden.

A couple of Sundays ago, I went through some real stupidity on my part...you'd think I'd have learned by now that stopping my meds is bad, but nooooo... Anyway, long story short, I had to spend a night in the hospital, and then I was under "house arrest" at my Mom's for a week and a half. I'm rather embarrassed about the whole thing which is why I'm really not going into much detail about it. I'd rather just learn from it, and get on with life. Oooh, but the worst part was that I ended up getting a "talking to" from a really good friend in Vermont. This is someone I've known all my life, and he doesn't mince words. He said some very important things to me, and laid out the truth before me without dancing around the issues, so it actually was a good thing. I really love and respect him, and am grateful to him. So, Mr. Polar Bear, if you read this, thank you, and I love you, and I'm glad to have you as a friend.

A different sort of gardening...

2007-09-19T10:43:00.000-04:00

I am embarking on a new adventure...The "Ruth Stout" method of gardening. Basically it involves using straw to enrich your soil, make compost, and kill weeds, and more. I got two bales of straw yesterday from a local farm, and I'll have 20 more being delivered within the next week or so. I am getting my 20 bales from Quinn Farm in Ile Perrot. Elwood Quinn is such a nice guy...very friendly, and has a wonderful sense of humor.

I've got to move my compost container to a more accessible spot...now, if I can just get a hold of one of my male neighbours to help me, since it has to be lifted over the pool pump in order to get it where it needs to go...can't do it on my own (I tried).

Okay, back to the straw. So basically, you get a bunch of straw bales, and just set them up along the edges of your garden (kind of like a retaining wall). Now, 22 bales sounds like a lot of straw, but this will do for 2-3 years. The bales sit outside, and yes, they will start to decompose, but that's the beauty of all this. You cover the ground (or garden patch) with a layer of straw, and through the season of your garden, you just keep layering as the need arises. Weeds? No problem...don't break your back trying to pull them out...just throw some straw on top of them to take care of that problem.

I'm very excited to try this.

Pumpkins...

2007-09-12T18:29:00.000-04:00

I have decided that the pumpkin is a very mysterious plant to grow. Three years ago, we planted pumpkin seeds, just to have the joy of growing our own pumpkins for Samhain. Well, of course, the pumpkin vines took over the whole garden, and I'm pretty sure we had miles and miles worth of pumpkin vines. We had quite a few good pumpkins that year, and gave a few away too.

Well, this year, we had a pumpkin vine sprout up seemingly out of nowhere, as we didn't plant any pumpkin at all this year (don't have enough space in our garden area). Now, what I find amazingly mystical is that the vine started sprouting flowers, and I'd keep checking them for signs of pumpkins starting, to no avail. Then, as if overnight, I have a huge green pumpkin in my garden. How did I miss that???? Well, at this point, it's still greenish, but with an orange tinge starting...figure it will be just perfect for Samhain...but I've still got at least 20 flowers, no sign of any other pumpkins yet, and I'm wondering if these will sprout up just as "mysteriously?"

Anyway, that's just my ramblings for the day...LOL

The joys of iTunes

2007-09-12T18:26:00.000-04:00

Ah...yes, I have discovered the wonderful world of iTunes, where I can instantly download music which is sometimes more difficult to acquire on CD format...LOL I finally have music by Inkubus Sukkubus!!! YAY!!! I've also discovered Jaiya, and Goddess of Desire, not to mention downloading more popular songs in the reggae, pop, and rock domains. I am muchly enjoying this.

Updating

2007-08-26T17:51:00.000-04:00

It has been quite a while since I've posted. I guess I get so caught up in the mundane things involved in life, that I just feel I don't have anything inspiring to write these days.

My husband, Gilles, is on his second run at his new job in Ft. McKay, AB, and we're finding that this arrangement is actually working really well for us. We're starting to appreciate each other more, and we actually miss each other. We were on the verge of divorce. When he left for the first run, I asked him if he would miss me, and he said he didn't know. Well, the week he got home, we had more emotional intimacy than we had had in the past six months....we talked non-stop about things, and we began to re-discover each others' minds... we found out things about each other that we hadn't known.

He called me as soon as he arrived at his room in AB to tell me that he had gotten there safely, and that he already missed me.

Another thing that has been good for us has been deciding to "open-up" our relationship, meaning that we are committed to each other, but can see other people. I'll spare the details, but I had one wonderful experience that I told my husband all about, and it brought us even closer.

What saddens me is that someone very close to me is not dealing with it well...she's taking it personally...almost as if it were her relationship at stake. My husband and I are the ones who have the right to make the decisions about our relationship, and noone else. I don't expect this kind of arrangement to work for everyone, nor would I want to even try and force it on anyone, but the fact is that it's working for us right now. Maybe we are only prolonging the inevitable end, which is divorce, but at least we're getting along much better and speaking to each other, and actually having fun with each other for a change...so I think that makes it healthy, even if others may not view it that way!

Not so bad...

2007-07-23T20:17:00.001-04:00

Okay, so I have been alone with the kids since Thursday (July 19th) and so far, I'm keeping it pretty much together...it's not so bad! My sister has put together a schedule for me to follow...now, if I could just stick to it better.... the 7AM wake-up time just isn't working for me...LOL.

Gilles is making sure I have enough money to run the household, and to have a bit of fun as well. Mom's taking the kids on Saturday night, and I get to go out for a real good time with someone I haven't seen in years.

Today I did manage to take a walk with the kids, although we didn't go very far because Mykah insists on walking too now. His little legs are so short, for every step I take, he has to take five. But at least we got out and got some exercise and fresh air, not to mention that I had them outside playing in the back yard most of the day.

Oh may the gods help me...

2007-07-12T14:55:00.000-04:00

In one week I will embark on a test of physical, mental, and spiritual challenge. In one week my hubby leaves for Alberta, and I will be all alone with the kids for 3 weeks...no reprieves from my hubby...thank gods he's giving me enough money to get a babysitter once in a while, and I hope my Mom and sister will help me out too.

It will be a test, it will be a time of growth for me. I'm nervous, but I'm also looking forward to it.

He got the job...

2007-06-22T16:55:00.000-04:00

Gilles is going next Wednesday for the required drug test, and to sign the paperwork and stuff for the job in Alberta. Once he passes the drug test, he will leave for work on the 5th of July. Aaaaaah.... I'm so excited and overwhelmed at the same time. My gods, I hope I don't blow up the house!

Missing you...you know who you are.

2007-06-09T14:30:00.001-04:00

I'm missing you like crazy,
We haven't talked in a while,
I love the way you make me feel,
You always make me smile.

Will I ever get to see you again?
Will I ever feel your touch,
Just know that although we're so close,
I miss you very much.

How the rest of my birthday turned out...

2007-06-08T14:44:00.000-04:00

Well, I couldn't get the vanilla vodka because the SAQ was out of it. But I got the sushi, and it was just the thing I needed to lift my spirits...Sushi fixes all ills. However I ate way too much of it, and ended up in much, much pain....oh, but it was soooooo worth it...LOL So I had a good birthday after all.

Still waiting...

2007-06-08T14:27:00.000-04:00

Well, we still haven't heard any news from the guy in Medicine Hat, but Gilles called him around Noon, and left a message saying, "If it's true that I keep my vacation, seniority, and pension, then yes, I'll take the job."

So in that case I'm sure we'll hear back from him soon. If that is the case, I am going to have a lot of furniture for sale...so those of you who read this either on my blog or on Facebook, pay attention. We're not sure of prices yet, but here's a starting list of what will be for sale.

Couch (complete with kitty chewing marks), and love-seat (may be sold as set, or separately.
Another love-seat/hide-a-bed
27 inch TV (old, but still works well)
Single bed frame with matching bedside table and dresser (mattress included)
Double bed frame with matching his and hers dressers (mattress included and we might have the box spring too, I don't remember)
Maple kitchen table with glass protective top and extension with 6 matching chairs
Riding Lawn mower
snow blower
3 bookshelves
2 TV stands
possibly a stereo set with speakers (am/fm radio only, but it's a box where you connect all your other elements through it i.e. DVD, CD, Video, etc.)
Apartment size piano

That's just for starters...we will also be sorting through toys, books, clothes, and whatever else is not necessary for us to take with us. I'll keep everyone posted, and let you know for sure when we're ready to start selling stuff.

Day is getting better...

2007-06-07T15:01:00.000-04:00

LOL...my husband wants to help lift my mood, so he gave me money to go and get Vanilla Vodka and sushi... Sushi makes everything better! :D

Happy Birthday to me...

2007-06-07T15:00:00.001-04:00

Today is my 31st birthday, and I have the birthday blahs...I think it doesn't help that it's cloudy and a bit rainy. Just another day of the year...same old routines, same old crap...I want to curl up in my bed and sleep until tomorrow.

Waiting, waiting...

2007-06-06T11:40:00.000-04:00

So we're still awaiting confirmation of all the details for the position in Medicine Hat. Oh I hate the waiting part...meanwhile, I'm trying to work on decluttering things that I don't need so that I don't have to stress at the last minute. It seems the houses around here, once put on the market, sell very quickly, so I may end up not having much time to pack and stuff after all; I don't know.

I'm excited, nervous, anxious all at the same time. But I found out that Medicine Hat does in fact have a pagan community, and I've already joined the e-list to start getting to know people right away. I was reading the blog of one Member, Fern, and it seems we have quite a bit in common... We like the same music, same kind of novels, and we both like to bellydance...oh yeah, we're both Geminis too. Yay...maybe I'll be able to take bellydancing out there. Woo Hoo!

Good news, and bad news (kind of)

2007-06-04T14:17:00.001-04:00

Well, Gilles has been off work since March 30, and the job hunt has not been going very well. But this morning he got a call from his old boss from the Valleyfield GoodYear Plant, and it turns out he has a job available for Gilles in Medicine Hat, AB. $29/hr, and he gets to keep his seniority, his vacation, and his pension plan. We're just waiting for the guy to call back to confirm the details. The good part is, if Gilles accepts the job (and it looks like he's going to), we won't have to rush to get there. The guy said if we need 6 months to make the move, then the job will still be there.

I have mixed feelings, but I'm more excited than anything. I just hope there's a pagan community in Medicine Hat.

Peace...nice weather...very happy

2007-06-02T13:10:00.000-04:00

So all the renovations in the house are finally done, and it looks amazing...I still have the "wow factor" everytime I walk into the kitchen... I have a stainless steel sink!!!!!

Gilles is still looking for work, but in the meantime, he's taking steps to upgrade some of his skills. He's taking a course this weekend and next weekend, and he has a couple of construction and certification cards to get

My moods are doing well. I'm more stable, but still get very tired very easily! I've still been napping in the afternoons, but I'm able to stay up later at night. So now I'm going to try and skip the nap and go to bed earlier.

My garden has gone wild... things have spread, and I don't know what I want to remove, and what I want to keep... I know I have to divide the hostas as they are taking up more and more space... I might just rip them out altogether...I hate hosta...I don't really find they are particularly pretty...I like pretty flowers like Irises and Morning Glories. Overly leafy plants piss me off!!!

chaos...

2007-04-29T08:26:00.000-04:00

Well, my house has been in chaos for the last couple of weeks, but for good reason. Gilles has been installing new laminate flooring, and it looks amazing. He just finished the last of it last night, and I am amazed at how much better it looks than the old floor. We also picked a darker color so that the dirt won't show up so quickly...ha ha ha. Next, Gilles will replace the counters and the sink in the kitchen...ooooh...I will finally have a stainless steel sink!

Renovations en masse!!!

2007-04-13T16:40:00.000-04:00

So we're in the process of doing renovations to the house in case we have to sell, but we're also choosing things that meet with our tastes in case we don't have to sell. So far we have replaced the broken toilet in the laundry room, and Gilles is in the process of replacing the laminate flooring in the boys' rooms. We have also ordered new counters for the kitchen due to the fact that somebody tried to set the counter on fire when she was pregnant with her second son (we won't mention any names here...LOL). We've bought a nice stainless steel sink and faucets to replace the white plastic sink we have that stains so horribly. Then the next big project will be the floors from the hallway to the rec room (that also includes kitchen, dining, and living rooms.)

Oh, I would love to have a bigger house, but not if it would mean I'd have to settle for a smaller back yard.

Misc.

2007-03-27T08:10:00.000-04:00

I made it to Mykah's appointment at the Shriner's hospital yesterday with both kids in tow. The wait was long, but the Doctor came in the examining room as soon as I got in there. He had some x-rays done to see the progress of Mykah's foot since he's been walking and it's good news all around. First, the left (clubbed) foot is looking very good. Second the bones in the right foot that were out of place have shifted since Mykah has started walking. That means he will probably still need surgery to correct the heel bone, but the surgery will be minor compared to what they would have had to do if the foot hadn't started to self-correct. I have to go to J.E. Hangar to get an orthotic made, and I'm going to have to start forcing Mykah to wear shoes during the day... he HATES shoes.

Lay-off and dreaming.

2007-03-21T08:23:00.000-04:00

So with Gilles impending lay-off from GoodYear, we are starting to look at our options. No matter what we decide, though, I think we're going to end up selling this house. It would be nice to eventually have a slightly bigger house (a basement would be nice), but I am soooooo going to miss the back yard we have here. We have 15,000 sqft of property, and it's so peaceful... I love summers here. I just hope that whatever we choose that we end up with a larger living space, and a yard that's just as beautiful or more.

My dream is to have a 2-storey house with 4 bedrooms, office space, and a separate place for the kids' toys. In terms of yard space, I would sooooo love to have 1/2 acre or more...with lots of mature trees..

Funny thing

2007-03-10T11:33:00.000-05:00

So I had to stop watching all of the new surrounding the death of Anna Nicole Smith...not that I follow celebrities with any passion or anything. But the whole circus...court cases... paternity disputes and shit was starting to depress me.

What was getting to me was the baby...losing her mom at such a young age, and feeling like all these stupid men are not interested in the baby, but in the money the baby will inherit. I just hope that baby ends up with a parent or caregive who will truly love and cherish her.

Okay, that's the mom in me speaking and I've ranted enough.

Positive thinking works.

2007-03-07T18:26:00.000-05:00

I've had a rough few days since it seems my medications have been causing some nausea. I though it was because, silly me, I was taking them on an empty stomach, but even taking them with meals wasn't helping. So I decided to try positive thought to solve the problem. First I eat, and then I hold my pills in my hand and say "These pills balance my emotions and make me feel good." I repeat it until I feel it is true, I say "Thank you", and then I take my pills. I've been doing this for 2 days, and I've been nausea-free for 2 days... there's positive thinking in action for you.

Valentine's day

2007-02-16T09:57:00.000-05:00

I had such a nice Valentine's Day. Gilles came home with a rose for me (I love red roses), and Sushi for supper... yummmmm. I am a sushi-whore! It was as romantic as it could be with 2 pre-schoolers running around ha ha..

I love my sweetie so much. I'm so grateful to have you, babe!

WOW!!!

2007-02-12T10:41:00.000-05:00

I am feeling absolutely incredible! My emotions have finally stabilized thanks to the new medication, and I'm a functioning person again. Now I just have to work hard to break some bad habits I developed all the years I was not well. But I love a challenge.

Mykah is a full-fledged walker, and he's already attemting to run. It's so funny to see him walking because he's so small. Finding pants for him is still a challenge; his legs are so short that he can still wear 9month pants. He's cute as a button and smart as a whip.

Transitions...

2007-02-01T15:19:00.000-05:00

It's official... Mykah is finally making the transition to toddler. At 25 months old, he is finally starting to walk independently! And although it means double-checking all the new things he can reach to make sure everything is still child-proof, because a toddler can get into so much more trouble (ha ha), Gilles and I are thrilled.

Mykah is absolutely thrilled with himself too. He comes walking into the room and goes, "hi Di di" (this is what he calls me...I don't know why). He even walks short distances carrying toys, and his confidence is great. He's got a bit of a limp, but I think that will go when he has the surgery to correct his right foot.

I'm so happy!

My return to the human race...

2007-01-27T11:36:00.000-05:00

I am finally starting to feel normal again! I think we may have hit the right levels of the right medication for my brain! It's as if I've been in a fog for the past 5 years, and it's finally lifted. I am able to concentrate enough to actually start reading again, and I am so happy about that; I've read 3 books in the past week alone.

I am interacting better with my children; I am actually enjoying them all the time now. I've also been able to manage to take over some more of the housework without feeling overwhelmed. Now, I'm also keeping my kitchen clean all the time, cooking meals (and planning leftovers for hubby's lunches), laundry, keeping bathrooms clean, etc. All of this was on my husband's plate before because I couldn't concentrate enough to handle it, so now he's got less responsibility and less stress, and I'm more satisfied by my daily accomplishments. Yay!!!!!

Bad news...

2007-01-24T10:28:00.000-05:00

It looks like GoodYear will be laying off 900 people, and, of course, this will affect my husband. As far as we know now, he will work until March 30th, and then that's it. It's stressful, but he seems confident he will easily find another job. There are many options open, so I think it's just a matter of deciding which one will be best for our family.

Things are going well...

2007-01-15T11:09:00.000-05:00

First, we celebrated Mykah's 2nd birthday on December 25th. I can't believe my baby's already 2 years old. Since he's so small for his age, I sometimes forget how old he is. He's still not walking independantly yet, but he is cruising around on the furniture quite a bit, and occasionally takes a couple of steps without holding on. He is trying his hardest, and I've accepted that he will just walk when he is ready to do so, and not a moment before!

I am starting to feel better and better; I think we are finally getting somewhere with my medications. I still get tired very easily, though, but I think that's due to a lack of proper exercise which I intend to change very soon!

First 2007 post...

2007-01-11T14:52:00.000-05:00

Okay, where do I start? After a bad end to 2006 what with me going into a bad depression, self-medicating with alcohol, and things just getting bad, things are really starting to look up.

First, I saw my Psychiatrist on Dec 21st, and he did a complete rearrangement of the meds and told me to stop drinking. Okay, I didn't listen to that part which led to my loving family giving me an ultimatum (Thank you, I'm so glad you love me so much). Which in turn led to me stopping the drinking (it also helped that my hubby hid the vodka and took away my car keys) No, I was not driving under the influence, he just didn't want me to be able to go buy more booze.

Stop drinking, and the medication has a chance to work properly. There was one medication he prescribed to help me sleep that I had to stop taking because it was just keeping me in a Zombie-like state. I've been starting to feel a little bit better every day this week! Yay!

Today, I feel like a million bucks! My kitchen is pretty much spotless, and I've done 4 loads of laundry (put it away too) on top of that. I really pray that this is me starting to feel better and not just another manic phase starting!

Christmas with Mom and the kids

2006-12-26T11:40:00.000-05:00

We had a nice day, although pretty quiet. Christmas just isn't the same when my sister is not here. The kids loved their toys, though. And I hit the jackpot, because my hubby bought me season 1 & 2 of Gray's Anatomy.... I am so, so, so happy with that gift!

Overall I'm feeling better with just one slight problem. The Clonazepam that I'm taking to help with the anxiety does in fact help...but it makes me so drowsy it's ridiculous! I'm hoping my body will adjust to it or else we will have to find another solution!

Thank you!!!

2006-12-22T08:10:00.000-05:00

Thank you Gods; with the help of my new medication, I actually had 8 hours of uninterrupted, restful sleep last night, and this morning I feel great! So "All hail the Gods of Flurazepam!" I feel good...I feel really good... I actually feel as if I will get things accomplished today. I'm so happy!

Good news and bad news...

2006-12-21T15:28:00.000-05:00

The good news and the bad news is that I could end up going into a high over the holidays, according to my doctor. He's made some fairly drastic changes to my meds which will do me some good in the long run, but could send me slightly manic... Bring it on! I've been so depressed lately that a bout of hypomania would be a welcome relief for a change!

So I continue on the Paxil, I increase the Valproic Acid, I will be stopping the Risperdal and the Lithium, and he's added an anti-anxiety and an anti-insomnia

So overall it's good news, although I may drive my family nuts if I do go into mania... oh well, at least I'll have the energy to help out in the kitchen!

Fast approaching...

2006-12-20T09:58:00.000-05:00

Oh yes, the day is quickly approaching. Around here we celebrate on the 25th, just because that's what everyone is used to, and our families do the Christmas thing. I will do my own thing for Yule tomorrow night. Anyway it really doesn't make a difference to me, because whether you do Yule, Christmas, Hanukkah, or whatever, the main theme is basically the same or similar.

My son Zach is all excited for Santa Claus to come and leave him presents, and I can't wait to see the kids opening their presents on Christmas morning. They're both at a good age where they'll get all excited, ripping open the packages with squeals of delight....although knowing my boys, the squeals will be much louder...more like ear-piercing shrieks of delight. All the better.

Also, Zach is excited, because he gets two Christmases this year. One on the 25th at home, and one on the 31st at my Mom's. Mom will be coming out on the 25th to open presents with us, but my sister is in Michigan with her husband for Christmas this year, so we'll exchange gifts with her on the 31st. Zachy asks me every day when his TeeTee (my sister) will be home; he is very close with her and misses her fiercely. We're doing a count-down with him on the calendar for the days until she comes home, and it seems to be helping.

Finally...

2006-12-16T09:46:00.000-05:00

I think I'm finally coming out of my latest funk. It's about time too, because it was getting pretty bad. Thanks to Aurora for her loving advice on my LJ site as it was very helpful!

Although my motivation to do things is still lagging, and least I am starting to accomplish a few small things again. I am however in laundry hell as I allowed it to get backed up... I think I will be folding clothes until Christmas. Hmmm... maybe that's a sign that it's time to purge wardrobes... well, we'll see; I'm not that ambitious yet. One day at a time, one hour at a time, and sometimes one minute at a time is what I need to focus on.

Poetry

2006-12-04T14:12:00.001-05:00

Please forgive my feeble attempts at poetry. I'm experimenting with trying to find a creative means of expression for my crazy up and down emotions:

Help me for I'm falling fast,
I think my sanity will not last.
My mind wanders, goes blank, and hurts me;
the pain is too much to bear.

The elixer will help ease the pain.
The sweet nectar will make it better,
or at least make it so that I don't care.

I am reaching break-neck speed
and I don't know what waits for me at the bottom.
I'm sure my fate is not good,
and I will come out not unscathed, but broken!

My Weekend...

2006-12-04T12:49:00.000-05:00

Okay, first of all, I'm depressed because it looks like I won't be getting Charlotte the Wolfhound afterall. She's such a sweetie that the people who are currently fostering her may decide to keep her... Yes, I was in tears when they gave me that news!

Apart from that, the weekend was pretty nice. My mom and sister don't let me any time to be depressed; they do their best to keep me busy. On Saturday, we went out to help decorate the church my Mom attends. I wasn't so excited at the prospect of that, but it meant a lot to my mom. Anyway, we ended up having a lot of fun...good food and good conversation! I decided I liked these people when I saw two bottles of wine on the table, and one of the ladies offered me a glass... heh heh.

Sunday was the Santa Claus Parade in Deux Montagnes, and we bundled up the kids and walked approximately 10 blocks to see the parade. Conclusion: I really need to get out and walk more, because the walk nearly killed me! The kids had a great time, the dogs froze. It was so funny. Goliath was so cold that my sister had to bundle him up inside her sweater. Poor Goliath.

Possible new addition...

2006-11-28T19:13:00.000-05:00

We may be getting a new addition to our family. Her name is Charlotte , and she is an Irish Wolfhound mix. I met her today, and she is such a sweetheart. She's very calm, very friendly. Also, she totally looks like a wolfhound, but she's about the size of a Golden Retriever. We're going to foster her on a trial basis before making the decision to adopt her. I'm so excited.

Test results are in.

2006-11-28T19:09:00.000-05:00

I saw the neurosurgeon at the MCH for Mykah today. His CT Scan was normal. Woo Hoo!!! However the doctor wants to have an MRI done to check a few other things out. But at this point I'm relieved, and not worrying anymore.

The weekend.

2006-11-27T13:17:00.000-05:00

Overall, it was a decent weekend. My sister's husband was up from Michigan (long story), so it was great to visit with him. We get along really well, and I miss having him around. Zachy spent the whole day at the neighbours' house with his Titi and Spanky. He was thrilled to be with the neighbours who he calls Auntie Johns and Kimmie...LOL... he's still not totally clear on the concept of Aunt and Uncle; That's okay, he call's MacDonald's "Auntie Donalds". Anyway, it was such a nice weekend. I actually went out for a smoke at one point in a short-sleeved shirt!

My moods are all over the place still, and it's so frustrating. I'll start to feel fine, but still can't get my head around basic everyday concepts involved in managing a home. I know I'm an intelligent person, but sometimes the simplest concepts totally evade me. Then I feel stupid, and I feel as if people are looking at me as if I'm stupid...even my family. I am so easily overwhelmed by too much input that I shut down. It happens quite often (one or more times a week) that the basic noise of the household just throws me into a meltdown. For those of you with kids, you know that time of day when the kids have their crazy hour just about the time that Papa's getting home and Mom's trying to cook supper. I can't handle it!

Oh will I ever get relief from this madness,
this fire inside my brain?
Destroying my insides
and burning up my mind.

Little better...

2006-11-23T21:25:00.000-05:00

I'm feeling a little more human today. Hey, I was dressed before 9AM, so that's a huge improvement. I didn't get a whole lot done in the house today, but I did manage to putter around the kitchen and the living room. Also, I spent a whole lot of time doing cross-stitch which is so therapeutic for me. Oh, I wish I had a little corner of the house just for cross-stitching where I have absolutely perfect lighting, and the most comfortable lounger chair in the world. Ha ha... maybe it's a good thing I don't have that little nook, Gilles wouldn't be able to get me to leave it.

I took the kids to get their vaccines updated today. Poor kids...I've been so negligient. Zach ended up having to have 4 needles, and poor little Mykah had to have 6 needles. I took them to MacDonalds to make up for it. Bad Mommy...Bad, bad, bad.

Tuesday..

2006-11-21T14:03:00.000-05:00

Well, I'm not feeling quite so blah today, but I am still struggling to keep from being "pulled under by the current" I am thinking that I'd better find a therapist, and find one fast so I can start to learn better behaviours and though patterns. Hey, does anyone happen to know of anyone in the Pagan community who is also a licensed psycotherapist?

More on feelings...

2006-11-20T20:21:00.001-05:00

Sometimes my thoughts are shrouded in darkness.
There is sadness, but the tears won't come.
Some days the pain is so deep,
cutting,
burning,
searing me on the inside of my brain.

There's a void within my body,
a black hole of emotions so deep
if I face them I run the risk of
falling,
failing,
losing my mind.

A description...

2006-11-20T18:10:00.000-05:00

I'm feeling somewhat better today, although still not as good as I'd like. I did manage to get a few things done around the house, so at least that's an improvement. But now, I'd like to go to bed for the night...but the kids are still up, and it's not fair to leave my hubby with all the duties.

I don't know... I am just so tired of feeling like crap. It's like there's a bottomless pit at my solar plexus chakra...sometimes it feels like a black hole. I feel a spinning sensation there, and it makes me sick to my stomach. At those times, I also feel in my head as if my consciousness has been stuffed into a tiny little box just behind my face. I don't know if this makes sense, but it's the only way I know how to describe just some of what I feel.

Feeling low...

2006-11-19T08:43:00.000-05:00

Okay, so I'm having a couple of blue days. Part of me is wondering if I'm fighting a cold or something, though. Yesterday all I could do was sleep (hubby took care of the kids). I slept from 1pm-5pm, then from 5:30PM-8PM, then I went back to bed at 9PM and slept right through until 7 this morning. I could probably still go back to bed and sleep some more, but Gilles is working, so I'm in charge of the kids, so that's out.

Well, I'll just try and keep the day as low-key as possible. I definitely will make a point to do some cross-stitch today as that always seems to help me relax.

Blech...

2006-11-17T20:03:00.000-05:00

Oh I don't feel good emotionally today. I just feel bored with everything...like everything is dull and colorless. I think I am in mourning for the loss of my hypomania and the "excitement" it brought with it. Yes, I know it's not a good state to be in, but in a state of hypomania everyone and everything is beautiful, and life is exciting...full of adventure. In hypomania, even cleaning the house is exciting...I miss the euphoria.

To top it all off, I'm self-medicating...orange juice with...ahem...additives. Argh, I just can't cope with this. When the hell am I going to feel normal again? Will I ever feel normal again, or at least less bored with life? This is taking a toll on my marriage too. As hard as it is on me, I think it's doubly hard on Gilles. I can see my illness slowly sucking the life out of him, and I hate it. Well, I just have to make sure to get the info about therapy from my Psychiatrist at our next appointment. I will not be a victim...damn it I will fight this, and I will win!

Hooray...

2006-11-15T11:30:00.000-05:00

Zachy is back to normal, and I was able to send him back to daycare today! He was excited to see his friends again too, so that was good. Wow, I might actually be able to get a few things done around here today. Woo Hoo!

Tuesday..

2006-11-14T08:51:00.000-05:00

Zach seems to be on the mend, but I am still keeping him home from daycare until I'm sure he's fully better. He's full of beans and buggerment which is a good sign.

Today I will hopefully tackle some much needed decluttering, as it is time to start thinking about decorating for Yule. But I can't decorate until I do a few things around here. It shouldn't take too long, but we all know I have a motivation problem, right? I think this year I will add a string of lights to the garland on the mantle since I now have a place to plug it in that's inaccessible to the children. Aside from that, the only other decorating I really need to do is to put up the tree, but it's waaaaaay too early for that. This is the first time in a long time that I'm looking forward to decorating; I guess having a 4-year old helps. For the past 2 years we didn't decorate at all, but this year there's no way we'd get away with that. Zach is already trying to draw multiple pictures of Christmas/Yule trees, and he keeps asking when we're going to decorate. Now I just have to figure out where we put the decorations!

Fasting?

2006-11-13T17:20:00.000-05:00

Okay, so I broke down and had food...luscious tomato and spinach pizza. See that's my problem with fasting since I still have to prepare food for other people. For some reason, they still want to eat...go figure. Ha ha... oh well, the pizza was really yummy and worth it!

Fasting...

2006-11-13T13:04:00.000-05:00

That's right. I'm doing a semi-fast in an attempt to gain knowledge and control over my eating habits, and to develop self-discipline. Basically I'm allowing myself Coffee and Water, skimmed milk, and low calorie foods in moderation (fruits & veggies). Heh heh... as an added bonus, I've already lost 5lbs. Fasting is much more difficult than I anticipated, but I started learning things about my eating habits almost immediately. I eat when I'm bored, overwhelmed, or trying to put off doing things. Hmmm...it seems I smoke for the same reasons too. The more bored I get, the more intense the sugar cravings... sugar cravings also get bad if my emotions go off.

On the up side, since doing this, I am doing much more cross-stitch again (YAY), and I'm getting more done around the house! Muahahahaha... I might just become a Domestic Goddess yet!!!!

Too funny...

2006-11-12T19:53:00.000-05:00

So as I'm sitting here at my computer, Mykah is zipping back and forth on his dump truck which he has decided is a ride-on toy. He is shrieking in pure delight, and I am just amazed at the speed he picks up on this thing. Then, every once in a while, he'll bring the thing to a stop (wicked dare devil side stop) and flash me a devilish little grin. He is just waaaaaaay too cute.

Zach seems to be feeling better; he was running around like a whirlwind earlier, so I'm sure he's fine.

Today I managed to spend a good amount of time doing cross stitch. I just love it; it relaxes me so much.

Alas, now I am off to get Mykah off to be, and Zach will go soon after. Then I will sit and relax with a good movie (don't know which one yet).

Going crazy...

2006-11-10T10:24:00.000-05:00

The kids are driving me nuts!!! Zachary is doing everything he can to make Mykah cry, and as often as possible. LOL...but then Mykah just gets pissed off and hauls off and hits Zachy. If they keep it up, I'm going to banish them both to their respective bedrooms.

Mind you, some of it is comical, especially when Mykah hits Zach since Mykah is so much smaller. And when Mykah hits, he winds up first. Yes, he swings his arm back as much as he can and then goes for the smack! It really hurts when he smacks you, and I'm trying to break him of this. But it's really hard to break him of it when you're fighting back laughter.

Sickness...

2006-11-10T08:21:00.000-05:00

Zach is still home from daycare... this bug he has is just not letting up! He still has the runs, but at least it's much less frequent than before. I think I will just have to get him to a doctor.

Luckily, Mykah is not showing any signs of being sick (knock on wood). Hopefully no one else will get this (although I might not mind it if it lets me lose a few pounds...kidding)

Well, it looks gorgeous and sunny outside, so despite Zach being sick, I think I will take the kids out on a short walk this afternoon...the fresh air will do them some good (and me too)

Blonde moment...

2006-11-07T13:43:00.000-05:00

I had to go out to the pharmacy last night to pick up some Immodium for Zach. While I was there, I figured I'd pick up the new Sunsilk hair products. I picked up the Anti-Frizz Shampoo, Conditioner, and after-shower treatment.

So I'm in the shower this morning, excited to try out my new stuff, and I pick up the first bottle...oops conditioner... I pick up the other bottle...conditioner. So there I am holding both bottles trying to figure out why they both say conditioner (I haven't had my coffee yet, eh). My error just was not registering... it took me about five minutes to finally realize that I had accidentally picked up 2 bottles of conditioner instead of a shampoo. Yes, I felt very stupid.

more stuff.

2006-11-06T14:35:00.000-05:00

Well, I didn't get much else accomplished today. The daycare worker stopped by with Zach (they were out on their walk) saying he was complaining that he was very tired, and his ear hurt. He wanted to come home, so we let him. His mood perked up right away and he didn't seem so tired once we let him come home. It looks like he's stuck something in his ear, and I can't seem to get it out. I flushed his ear once, and I will do it again a couple of times tonight to see if we can get whatever it is to come out. Otherwise I will have to take him to the doctor for that.

Anyway, I got totally grossed out, and found out that Zach wasn't really feeling that hot when he rushed to the toilet for number 2, and couldn't make it. Yuck...all over the bathroom floor, all down his legs, all over the toilet, and the dehumidifier. Needless to say it took 2 hours, mopping the floor and washing above mentioned items 4 times to finally get the smell to go away. I nearly puked. Yuck.

Oh hell...

2006-11-06T10:10:00.000-05:00

So I just finished a round of antibiotics for the leg thing, and part way through the treatment, my ears start flaring up, yet again. I'm starting to wonder if my ear infections are perhaps caused by an overabundance of yeast? Is it possible to have yeast infections in ones' ears? Well, my sister's nasty foot problem was caused by yeast, so why not? That would explain why I started getting these things with my first pregnancy, and it would explain why it seems to have been provoked by antibiotic treatment!

I also had the week from hell emotionally last week, and couldn't understand why until my sister checked my pill case on Saturday; we realized that I had missed taking my Paxil all week! I usually fill up the pill-case on Sunday morning, but when I did it last week, I only had enough Paxil for Monday. I had to refill the prescription, which I did, but I forgot completely to add it to the remainder of the week. Problem solved. At least there was a good reason for my feeling crappy.

On a brighter note, I feel great today. I actually got up and thoroughly cleaned the light fixture above the kitchen table, and I will do the ceiling fan in the living room when Mykah takes his nap today. I feel productive, and just generally well... YAY!

Halloween...

2006-11-05T17:07:00.000-05:00

We had a nice Halloween here. Zachy wore his doggie costume. It was so fun with him this year; he was so excited. He still needed me to hold his hand going up to the doors, and reminding him to say "Thank you." We did almost a whole block, but then we passed by a haunted house, and the noises were scary for him. He thought it was a dragon going to come out of the castle to chase him, and he wanted to go home, "right now, Mommy, please!" I promised him that the dragon wouldn't leave the castle, and we went home, and he was happy with his night.

Brief Scare.

2006-10-28T15:05:00.000-04:00

So I had my regular check-up with my doctor yesterday, and I was very glad it happened to be on that particular day, because I developed a weird rash on my leg, and it was a bit painful. The doctor took a look at my leg and was asking lots of questions, and then he proceeded to take out a pen and start drawing on my leg. When he wrote the date and time, I was like "OH SHIT!" He said it could only be a simple case of cellulitis (skin infection). However, we needed to be sure that the antibiotics he gave me would work, and shrink the infection fast. It was serious enough that he gave me overdose of antibiotics for day 1. He said, "If by tonight this hasn't gone down, or if it spreads at all, go straight to the emergency room, and give them this referral. I don't want to scare you, but we can't take the chance of it being "flesh-eating disease"".

Okay, so I was a little freaked out, and needless to say I was checking on the rash every 5 minutes. Thankfully the antibiotics are working. The redness has gone down a lot, and the leg doesn't even hurt as much as it did. Nothing like a scare like that to make you very grateful for the good things you have! Today, I am much more grateful for the people in my life, that's for sure!

Weird sick.

2006-10-25T09:17:00.000-04:00

I have a fever, and yes, that's about it. It's really strange. I'm having trouble keeping warm, but apart from that, I feel fine. The fever was at 102 F yesterday, and this morning it's down to 100.6 F. I'm not even really achey or anything like that. The only other thing is that I do feel a little light-headed. But I'm still functioning!

Biggest task for today is to tackle Mt. Washmore.... it's all clean, I just have to fold the clothes and put them away...shouldn't be a problem.

But right now, I need more coffee!

CT Scan done.

2006-10-24T09:57:00.000-04:00

Mykah had his CT Scan yesterday, and it's nice to have it over with. They gave him an oral solution to make him sleep, so the CT Scan and X-rays were not traumatic for him at all. It was really funny when he woke up, though because his balance was off, and we had to watch him like hawks to make sure he didn't get hurt.

I was supposed to have my doctor's appointment today, but I rescheduled for Friday. I did not want to go anywhere today!

More tests.

2006-10-19T13:50:00.000-04:00

Yes, Mykah has to undergo more tests. He has to have a chest x-ray to complete the x-rays of his skeleton so they can do a full bone analysis. But that won't be so bad since I can get it done on Monday when he's sedated for the CT Scan. He also needs a specific blood test (at which time they also need samples from Gilles and me). . to test for some other disorder. Ugh...will this never end?

Doctors..

2006-10-19T09:19:00.000-04:00

I have to drive into the city today, and I really don't want to go. But I have to go because it's for an appointment for Mykah with the Genetics specialist at the MCH. Maybe we'll finally get the results of that bloodtest they did back in June. Since I haven't really heard anything about it, I've just assumed that there's nothing to be found. So if I go today and they tell me there's nothing wrong with Mykah (I really hope) I don't want to know anything else about doctor appointments except for the ones for his feet! Because the way I figure it, every other test this poor kid has had to endure has turned up normal. So if they can't find anything on a genetic level, I'm not putting him through anything else! So there!

Dreary day.

2006-10-17T09:35:00.000-04:00

I so hate it when the day is dreary and clouded over. The house is so dark, and I just want to spend the day in my bed.

It looks like I'll be keeping Zachy home from daycare today. He was running a fever of 102 F last night. This morning it's running about 99.5 F, but the fact that he actually slept in until 9AM tells me he probably should stay home!

I'm hoping I can muster a little energy to try and do some things around the house. I have laundry to fold, the beds need changing, and the bathrooms should be cleaned....oh, and I'm sure I could list many more things I should be doing, but I'm trying to keep it reasonable and at a level that is realistic.

I survived!

2006-10-16T08:49:00.000-04:00

Yes, I survived a long day on my own with both kids. It was pretty good for the most part, but by 6PM I was getting antsy, wanting adult conversation and company. Neither of the kids took a nap, so they were both in bed early. Mykah went right off to sleep, but Zach was a little more difficult. Zach wanted me to sleep in his bed, he wanted water, he wanted more water, he wanted to be covered, he wanted to be uncovered. Finally, I turned out all the lights and told him he had to go to sleep because Mommy was going to sleep too. Not two minutes after my lights went out did a little naked boy crawl into my bed, "Mommy, I want to sleep in your bed." Yes, he was naked, as he is most nights despite the fact that he does have PJs on when I put him to bed. Anyway, I gave up, told him he could sleep in Mommy's bed...he was out within 5 minutes!

Tired!

2006-10-15T15:36:00.000-04:00

Okay, I'm tired, and I'm sore in places I forgot all about. Definitely out of shape, but it was definitely worth the pain. ooooooooooooooooooohhhh... will be soaking in a hot tub tonight!