Reiki II

Yesterday, I received my attunement to Reiki II. Wow! What an experience. My teacher is Lynn Neilson . I feel so good, and am grateful to be able to do distant healings now, especially since my sister lives in Michigan and has been sick a lot since she got there.

Yule is on its way... home made decoration

I am really trying to get my Yule preparations and stuff done as early as possible. As a solitary Witch, Much of my learning, comes from books, and the Internet (I start my searches at sites I have learned are "respectable," usually starting by following links from websites and blogs run by well-respected members of the Montreal Pagan Community.

The book, "Yule: A Celebration of Light and Warmth" by Dorothy Morrison is a good source of arts and ideas for Yule (and Christmas) celebrations. I use other resources too, but this is one of the first ones I refer to

Easy-to-Make Sun-Catcher - from "Yule" by Dorothy Morrison

• Wax Crayons
• 2 sheets of waxed paper
• 2 sheets of construction paper (black suggested, but can used whatever color you wish)
• Large Paper bag
• Saucer
• Compass, pencil, pencil sharpener, hole punch, scissors, Glue
• Ribbon
• Iron (& Ironing Board)

1. Use saucer to trace circle on each sheet of construction paper, AND each sheet of waxed paper.
2. Place the compass point in the center of each construction paper-circle and draw a 2nd circle (about 1/2" smaller than its measurement. Cut out center, keeping resulting paper "rings"
3. On top of of paper bag, place 1 waxed paper circle.
4. Insert different colors (your choice) of the crayons into sharpener, allowing resulting wax shavings to fall onto the circles.
5. Arrange crayon shavings as desired, ensuring there are small mounds with a bit of space between. When done, place the 2nd circle of waxed paper on top.
6. Plug in the iron, set to Medium heat. Gently slide iron over top of waxed paper circles until the crayon-shavings melt in-between.
7. Allow to cool for a minute or two, then glue the construction paper "rings" to the front and the back.
8. Punch a hole in the top, thread the ribbon through, and tie it into a nice bow.
9. Hang decoration in a sunny window, and enjoy.

**The beauty about this craft (or any craft) is that although colors may be written in the instructions, it should never be considered to be set in stone... Use your imagination, and allow yourself the freedom to modify the craft according to your preferred colors...

Extra Ideas: sprinkle sparkles in along with the wax crayon-shavings.

For example, my major colors of preference for decorating my home for the Yuletide Season are Deep Blues & Gold... but I do add some complementary colors in appropriate places

Morning Devotions...

Lovely Java,
Who art in my coffee pot,
Hallowed is your essence,
Your aroma and full-bodied flavor, good for my mind and my body
Give me today the ability to function
As my "engine" is having trouble to get going.
Java is my salvation, it keeps me awake,
It maketh my eyes pop open and my body to get going,
Yea though I wish to crawl back into my bed, it's caffeine content boosts me,
Help me to get through yet another morning;
For thine is the power to kick me in the butt, and to clear the cobwebs out of my brain.
Amen

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Okay, so maybe it's not a very good "poem", but it's true...

"Old McDonald..." according to Mykah

So, Mykah has his very own version of the song "Old McDonald":

"Old McDonald had a farm. E-I-E-I-O!
...and he had a cow... moo-moo, moo-moo-moo...
...and he said YEE-HAW!"

Needless to say, Mommy ended up doubled-over in hysterical laughter.
Gotta love kids.

Sri Vast...

I am so excited! I am going to a workshop at the H~OM Yoga Center in Vaudreuil on Wednesday Night for a workshop with Guruji Sri Vast. Originally I wanted to go to a retreat with him October 3-5 in Harrington, QC, but finances didn't allow for it this time. So you can imagine my joy when I found out that he would be speaking at a facility which is only 10 minutes away from my home.
You must understand, that this man is so full of peace and joy that it comes across even when watching a video clip of him speaking; these can be found on YouTube...just type in Sri Vast. I watched the two "dancing with the Master" clips the other night. Between the two clips, it's about 20 minutes of dancing and celebration at the ashram in India; I couldn't help but tap my feet and bounce in my chair... it was so fun!

His detailed website is:
www.srivast.org

I really am what I eat...

It's amazing how much one's diet affects overall health and well-being! I have been slowly making the transition to eliminating red meat and poultry/fowl from my diet, but now I've cut it out completely! I haven't eaten meat in over a week, and the difference is astounding! Within only 2 days I started seeing a difference! My mind is clear and focused, my emotions are balanced, and my energy levels and motivation to do things... well, I'm keeping up with the housework without trying to clean the entire house in a single day. Whoa, I'm acting like a "normal" homemaker!

At this point, I'm not even willing to consume a single piece of meat, even if only to test my theory. I feel good without being in a manic state, and I am going to do whatever it takes to keep it this way. LOL... I think I'm going to make Sushi for Thanksgiving dinner!

Getting Healthier...

In the past month or so, my moods were getting unstable once again. However, in the two weeks leading up to June 20th, they started getting progressively worse (to the point where I was having mixed states, depression and mania; and I could cycle from one to another within minutes. It was to the point where I told Gilles I needed to be hospitalized, and he agreed, Luckily, I had an appointment with my Psychiatrist on June 20th. After explaining what was going on, my Dr. agreed. I was there from June 20th to the 25th.

It turns out that it was a good thing! The GPs who work in the Observation Area ordered a complete biochemical, hormonal profile bloodtest. That showed that although I don't have high Cholesterol, my HDL(good) cholesterol is way too low. On top of that, they found that I have an underactive thyroid. Also, when the Dr. examined my abdomen, I had two very painful areas on my left side (might be an ovary). So, due to that, and the fact that I've had no periods for 5 months now, I have a bunch of other tests to do; They're checking for something called hirsutism, and for polycystic ovary syndrome. I have a cerebral CT scan tonight, a chest X-ray tomorrow, a full medical exam on July 28th, and I am still waiting for an appointment for an Ultrasound of my abdomen and pelvic area.

Soup, Soup everywhere...

So, I'm slowly making dietary changes that include cutting down and eventually eliminating red meat from my diet... poultry and the like will come after, but one step at a time. Basically I want to get to the point of "no feathers, and no fur," as a good friend of mine puts it. Where it will go from there remains to be seen, but at least it's a start. It's partially a matter of choice, but my body seems to be forcing me to go in this direction too. I was raised in a "meat and potatoes" family... red meat at least 3 times a week. That had already begun to change over the years, but recently, my body is just saying, "ENOUGH!!!!!"

It was an accidental discovery, actually. Back in March, I think, I made a batch of carrot soup (we're talking 12lbs. of carrots, onions, potatoes, leeks, green onions, vegetable broth, garlic and spices depending on what flavour I'm looking for. Well, with Gilles working in Alberta... I often just made simple meals for the kids, and I hated cooking just for myself, so I was eating only carrot soup with legumes, some whole grain bread... very light. Well, without realizing it, I went more than a month without eating meat whatsoever. I've lost 24 lbs since January, and I felt really good the whole time I was off the meat. And let me tell you, I couldn't believe how much detoxifying my system did while I was doing that.

Now, I find that I really have to be careful if I do eat meat... and I just prefer to avoid it; sometimes just the sight of it makes me ill... and believe me, this is something HUGE for me... I really became aware of the change when Gilles was home and made bacon and eggs one morning (I used to pig out on occasions when bacon was made)... it smelled so good, but after 2 small pieces I had to stop or else I was going to be sick.

Yesterday, I made another big batch of Carrot soup, and I think I'll keep myself on my little "soup-diet" again for a few weeks. But I have got to convince Gilles to slowly let me take over the grocery shopping. I'm glad he's frugal with money, but in his zeal to pinch every penny he can, he refuses to buy anything organic, or total vegetarian for me. He says, "If we do that, our grocery expenses will go up 100%." Well, I won't put down exactly what I said to him, because it was rather nasty. But if he would look at the long term... it's a fact that a healthier lifestyle, and vegetarianism improves overall health... it would reduce long-term costs in terms of improving my health. It would make it easier for me to lose weight, and if I lose weight, our expenses for my medication would drop, because most of my meds are prescribed according to my weight.... less fat=weight loss=less cash spent on pharmaceuticals (and less cash spent on other OTCs because of problems caused by obesity)

Still going forward...

Progress is good in terms of making sure I'm doing things consistently around the house, every day. I took a huge step forward in terms of getting the "for hanging up" laundry basket emptied, an purging and organizing the bedroom closets. My husband actually has a fair-share of space in our closet now. Clothes which were too small for Zach were put for Mykah, and anything that was too small for Mykah (or shirts that don't fit over his rather "generous-sized" head were put in boxes for my sister to look through. The difference is phenomenal!!! All of a sudden, the laundry was no longer overwhelming.

Reading and taking baby-steps

So, as per my last post, I've finished reading "The Power of Now", and "A New Earth" (both by Eckhart Tolle). I have definitely felt myself living in the present more often, and actually made a major breakthrough in taking the first step to overcoming a major issue which is the biggest source of conflict in my marriage. For the first time in our marriage, I stayed away from the credit card debt, and actually managed to put aside a small amount of money in savings. Gilles is in disbelief!

My "Domestic Goddess" idol

I have decided to outwardly acknowledge my "Domestic Goddess" diva, and mentor in this blog. That would be, and always has been, my sister. But today, in particular, I must acknowledge, and shout from the hilltops. "Butthead, you are my idol!!!!!!"

Not only can this true Domestic Goddess work full-time, and maintain a nice clean home. But today, she's making lasagna, and closing down the snow-blower all in the same day! I bow down in awe, and pray to the Gods that I will become even half as awesome as you!!!

On that note, I plan to start blogging regularly again, actually more regularly than before.... consistently... as that is one important thing I am striving to make a part of my life. I have also decided that I will blog more about progress, of course, in my Domestic Goddess training, and, as it can sometimes hinder or help my development, about the challenges of Bipolar disorder. I will aim, not to make this a "bitch-fest", where I complain, and where the energy is negative. My aim will be to bring fun and laughter where I am able, and to help educate more about the good and the bad that can come from having Bipolar Disorder.

I refuse to use this illness as an excuse, or as a crutch, and at this point I am actively working to turn and to use, what might be seen by some, a s0-called hindrance into a precious gift. A good metaphor I can think of comes from Eckhart Tolle's book, "The Power of Now," I have decided to learn the art of alchemy... to turn base metal into precious gold. I have a few books lined up to read, and when I actually have them in front of me, I will give a more detailed list. Although, I can start with the following which are all by Eckhart Tolle:

1. Practicing the Power of Now (I've read "The Power of Now", and it was awesome...I will be reading through it again.)
2. Stillness Speaks
3. A New Earth

I also have a book to read about Bipolar II (which is how I'm classified):

Bipolar II: Enhance your highs, Boost your Creativity by Ronald R. Fieve, M.D.

More to come...

I'm Ba-ack!!!

Sorry for the length between posting... a strange situation over the holidays has quite a bit to do with that. I will spare the details on that, however, as there were other people involved, and although perhaps some people would say it would be appropriate and well-deserved, I choose not to even make nasty comments about the situation or the other people involved. I know my part in dealing with it was not exactly perfect either.

Dreams...recurring theme

I have been dreaming a lot lately about sea mammals, particularly Dolphins and Orcas. One involves a swimming pool that is open in the day, and at night, the water level drops to reveal a large enclosed tank with Orcas swimming in it...that has been a recurring dream, but the other night I got a tour of the administration side of the enclosure...like a stone cave but brightly lit.

Last night I dreamt about dolphins. I was walking along a boardwalk, and to my left I could see a dozen dead, decaying dolphins in a huge orange body bag. I felt angry and indignant, and wanted to find out what had happened to them...I was also sad at the loss of these dolphins, because it was obvious they had not died of natural causes. I found myself at the edge of a large, deep tank, and the dolphins came to me telling me they loved me; I jumped into the water with them, touching their smooth skin, feeling wonder, and joy at this experience. but that was ruined when I realized that the "dolphin killer"was coming. I told the dolphins they had to leave, and I was afraid for them. But they couldn't leave because there was a large cage surrounding us, and we couldn't find the exit.

Feeling decent for a change...

I saw my Psychiatrist on Friday, and he switched around all my meds. I'm down to 50mg of Paxil, 2mg of Clonazepam, still at 1500mg of Valproic Acid, and up to 125mg of Seroquel. I've also started taking a bee pollen supplement, and I think it's helping me to have a bit more energy. Due to the med changes, I kind of felt lousy over the weekend, but today, I did a lot more stuff than I've done over the past 3 months. I finished laying down the hay over my Vegetable garden, and I helped Gilles a bit with putting the leaves in bags...LOL so far we have 47 full bags of leaves, plus he put a large pile in an area to try and make compost over the winter. I still get tired easily, and my feet and my back get sore rather quickly. My back is still painful from the fall I took out of my bed...I hope it goes away soon. Anyway, I'm proud of what I accomplished today.

Doing better...

So I am doing better emotionally, although I still could use some extra help in the life-skills area. I ordered a book on Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD), and was relieved to discover that a large part of it is biological (meaning how chemicals and messages are processed in the brain). I was also relieved to find out that with therapy, it is possible to improve to the point where although I may still have a couple of BPD symptoms, I can reduce the symptoms where I would no longer be classified as having BPD. I will not use this diagnosis as an excuse to do stupid things, but at least now I know why my behaviour and moods have been so erratic and impulsive (don't forget, I also have Bipolar Disorder). But the BPD explains why I have the tendency to be extremely impulsive, cause harm to myself by scratching at sores, and my temperament can turn on a dime. I can go from adoring and idolizing a person one minute, to hating, loathing them the next. With BPD, a person tends to see things in Black and White, and can't see the shades of gray. An example given in the book I'm reading is "the normal person will think, I like John, but I hate it when he's late. The person with BPD will think John is a nice person when he's on time, but he's a jerk when he's late"

More to deal with...

So I saw my psychologist yesterday, and we had a good long talk. She revealed to me that not only do I have Bipolar Disorder, but I also have Borderline Personality Disorder. Now I have to learn about that so I can deal with that too...grrrrrrrrrrr

General update and foolishness

Well, things in the garden are coming to an end. I have managed to grow one beautiful pumpkin for Samhain, and I can actually see a few others trying to start, but I doubt they will be ready in time. I had one larger gourd, but it seems to have disappeared! I am very confused about that; do racoons eat pumpkins? I've bought abou 10-12 bales of hay, and I need to get started trampling down dead plants, and getting the hay laid down. I need to put 6-8 inches of hay all over the garden, and then the remaining bales will be placed on the grass by the edge of the garden to naturally extend the size of the garden.

A couple of Sundays ago, I went through some real stupidity on my part...you'd think I'd have learned by now that stopping my meds is bad, but nooooo... Anyway, long story short, I had to spend a night in the hospital, and then I was under "house arrest" at my Mom's for a week and a half. I'm rather embarrassed about the whole thing which is why I'm really not going into much detail about it. I'd rather just learn from it, and get on with life. Oooh, but the worst part was that I ended up getting a "talking to" from a really good friend in Vermont. This is someone I've known all my life, and he doesn't mince words. He said some very important things to me, and laid out the truth before me without dancing around the issues, so it actually was a good thing. I really love and respect him, and am grateful to him. So, Mr. Polar Bear, if you read this, thank you, and I love you, and I'm glad to have you as a friend.

A different sort of gardening...

I am embarking on a new adventure...The "Ruth Stout" method of gardening. Basically it involves using straw to enrich your soil, make compost, and kill weeds, and more. I got two bales of straw yesterday from a local farm, and I'll have 20 more being delivered within the next week or so. I am getting my 20 bales from Quinn Farm in Ile Perrot. Elwood Quinn is such a nice guy...very friendly, and has a wonderful sense of humor.

I've got to move my compost container to a more accessible spot...now, if I can just get a hold of one of my male neighbours to help me, since it has to be lifted over the pool pump in order to get it where it needs to go...can't do it on my own (I tried).

Okay, back to the straw. So basically, you get a bunch of straw bales, and just set them up along the edges of your garden (kind of like a retaining wall). Now, 22 bales sounds like a lot of straw, but this will do for 2-3 years. The bales sit outside, and yes, they will start to decompose, but that's the beauty of all this. You cover the ground (or garden patch) with a layer of straw, and through the season of your garden, you just keep layering as the need arises. Weeds? No problem...don't break your back trying to pull them out...just throw some straw on top of them to take care of that problem.

I'm very excited to try this.

Pumpkins...

I have decided that the pumpkin is a very mysterious plant to grow. Three years ago, we planted pumpkin seeds, just to have the joy of growing our own pumpkins for Samhain. Well, of course, the pumpkin vines took over the whole garden, and I'm pretty sure we had miles and miles worth of pumpkin vines. We had quite a few good pumpkins that year, and gave a few away too.

Well, this year, we had a pumpkin vine sprout up seemingly out of nowhere, as we didn't plant any pumpkin at all this year (don't have enough space in our garden area). Now, what I find amazingly mystical is that the vine started sprouting flowers, and I'd keep checking them for signs of pumpkins starting, to no avail. Then, as if overnight, I have a huge green pumpkin in my garden. How did I miss that???? Well, at this point, it's still greenish, but with an orange tinge starting...figure it will be just perfect for Samhain...but I've still got at least 20 flowers, no sign of any other pumpkins yet, and I'm wondering if these will sprout up just as "mysteriously?"

Anyway, that's just my ramblings for the day...LOL

The joys of iTunes

Ah...yes, I have discovered the wonderful world of iTunes, where I can instantly download music which is sometimes more difficult to acquire on CD format...LOL I finally have music by Inkubus Sukkubus!!! YAY!!! I've also discovered Jaiya, and Goddess of Desire, not to mention downloading more popular songs in the reggae, pop, and rock domains. I am muchly enjoying this.