Doing better...

So I am doing better emotionally, although I still could use some extra help in the life-skills area. I ordered a book on Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD), and was relieved to discover that a large part of it is biological (meaning how chemicals and messages are processed in the brain). I was also relieved to find out that with therapy, it is possible to improve to the point where although I may still have a couple of BPD symptoms, I can reduce the symptoms where I would no longer be classified as having BPD. I will not use this diagnosis as an excuse to do stupid things, but at least now I know why my behaviour and moods have been so erratic and impulsive (don't forget, I also have Bipolar Disorder). But the BPD explains why I have the tendency to be extremely impulsive, cause harm to myself by scratching at sores, and my temperament can turn on a dime. I can go from adoring and idolizing a person one minute, to hating, loathing them the next. With BPD, a person tends to see things in Black and White, and can't see the shades of gray. An example given in the book I'm reading is "the normal person will think, I like John, but I hate it when he's late. The person with BPD will think John is a nice person when he's on time, but he's a jerk when he's late"

More to deal with...

So I saw my psychologist yesterday, and we had a good long talk. She revealed to me that not only do I have Bipolar Disorder, but I also have Borderline Personality Disorder. Now I have to learn about that so I can deal with that too...grrrrrrrrrrr

General update and foolishness

Well, things in the garden are coming to an end. I have managed to grow one beautiful pumpkin for Samhain, and I can actually see a few others trying to start, but I doubt they will be ready in time. I had one larger gourd, but it seems to have disappeared! I am very confused about that; do racoons eat pumpkins? I've bought abou 10-12 bales of hay, and I need to get started trampling down dead plants, and getting the hay laid down. I need to put 6-8 inches of hay all over the garden, and then the remaining bales will be placed on the grass by the edge of the garden to naturally extend the size of the garden.

A couple of Sundays ago, I went through some real stupidity on my part...you'd think I'd have learned by now that stopping my meds is bad, but nooooo... Anyway, long story short, I had to spend a night in the hospital, and then I was under "house arrest" at my Mom's for a week and a half. I'm rather embarrassed about the whole thing which is why I'm really not going into much detail about it. I'd rather just learn from it, and get on with life. Oooh, but the worst part was that I ended up getting a "talking to" from a really good friend in Vermont. This is someone I've known all my life, and he doesn't mince words. He said some very important things to me, and laid out the truth before me without dancing around the issues, so it actually was a good thing. I really love and respect him, and am grateful to him. So, Mr. Polar Bear, if you read this, thank you, and I love you, and I'm glad to have you as a friend.