Kamikazee.....

Ha ha... Mykah has gotten to that stage in discovering his voice where he lets out these shrieks that sound like Kamikazee war cries... it's so funny. Now he's babbling, and chewing on his toes... mmmmm yummy toes!!
It's so amazing to watch how a baby finds delight in the simplest little things.

Mind racing...

I have so much going on in my head right now, specifically regarding what I want to do with my life. I know it's going to involve going back to school, but I just can't seem to narrow in on a specific field. Some of the things I'm looking at are:

• Nutritional Consultant
• Reiki Practitioner
• Massage Therapist
• Yoga Instructor
• Psychologist
• Writer

The interesting part is that I could actually incorporate all of that together, but where to start? I also want to continue with my spiritual studies, and incorporate that into my future career. I am so confused and unfocused right now.

Hot, Hot, Hot...

Oh, it's so hot out today...again. I really hope my hubbie invests in an air-conditioning unit, at least for the kitchen. But I have a feeling that will have to wait until next summer. Oh well, at least the house stays relatively cool provided I close the windows and pull the shades in the early AM. Mykah gets really uncomfortable in this heat. I've taken to wetting a facecloth with cool water and laying it on his chest... that seems to help quite a bit... He also gets relief when I put him in his baby swing... gives him a nice cool breeze.

Poor Jack is lethargic with the heat too. He's a Bernese Mountain Dog, but we have him shaved for the summer, and it's a good thing too, or else he'd really be suffering.

Well, I'm having a more productive day today, but not actually getting as much done as I had hoped. At least the family will have clean clothes... I really need to vacuum, but I think I'll wait until tonight when it's a little cooler (I hope).

Angelic voice...

I'm sitting here at the computer, and my 6-month old son is in his crib beside me. He's starting to play with his voice, and it is so sweet to listen to. I swear he's already saying "ma ma".

I'm still not accomplishing anything... well, I did strip down the bed and wash the sheets. However, I have a ton of things I could be doing, and no motivation to start. Sometimes I just really want to give up. Who cares if the house is dirty... clean it, and it just gets dirty again... why bother folding the laundry? It's just going to get unfolded, worn, and need washing again...

Oh man, I'm in a really bad head-space right now. I really need to get some more Dragon's Blood oil!!!

What to do?

I am restless, bored, and generally frustrated, because I feel as if my life is going nowhere. I am disorganized, un-disciplined, and I don't know how to change that. I want to change it, but how does such an unstructured person even begin to become structured. I need a mentor, someone who can work very closely with me at first, gradually letting go so I can learn to do things on my own... someone who can firmly guide me into starting routines (I'm thinking army boot camp kind of attitude). My house is a mess, my yard is a mess, and my brain is a mess!!!

So tired...

I'm so tired of feeling this way... tired of having to rely on medication to maintain a "good" mood... that's not true living...it's just barely existing! I'm tired of feeling as if my life is going nowhere... tired of not knowing what I want to do beyond raising my kids... I want a good job that I'll love...

Bleh...

My head still feels so foggy. I don't know what I was thinking...guess I wasn't. I went through a bout where I kept forgetting to take my meds. After realizing that I had forgotten 4 days in a row, I thought, "Hey, I've forgotten 4 days, maybe I can just stop taking them." DUMB IDEA!!!! After almost 3 weeks without meds, I had a crash and burn. I was angry and agressive on Tuesday, and then ended up in tears, sobbing, unable to function. Luckily my parents were able to come and help me out, and they ended up taking me to Mom's to stay for a couple of days. I hate this, though, will this mean I'm going to be on meds for the rest of my life? This sucks.

Another Meme... stolen from Scarlet

Fill in the blanks:
1. If I could just figure out how to keep up with 2 kids and all the housework, I'd be real happy.
2. I would be happy to hand over cleaning bathrooms to someone else.
3. One thing I try to do every day is to shower.
4. Someone once told me that I was very unpredictable and hard-to-follow.
5. Probably the one word/phrase I tend to overuse is probably CRAP! .
6. I need to work on my emotional stability...I have too many ups and downs... it would be nice to be even-keeled for once.
7. When I'm cleaning house I like to listen to Death Metal... I don't know, it just gets me in the mood to clean.

Starting over...names will be changed.

So, I'm starting my blog completely over. I wasn't completely satisfied with it, and also, some recent personal events required that I removed certain things from my blog (for safety), so it was just easier to start over.... crap.

I'm hoping to post a little more often.... well, at least more consistently.