Drawing...

I want to start drawing! I haven't really done much since high school, but I enjoyed it, and I want to start again... I just don't know what to draw. I'd like to be able to do portraits and stuff one day, but I need a hell of a lot of practice before I'm ready for that! I have all the materials I need, but I keep hesitating... there's my perfectionism showing again. I'm going to just do it!!!

Another obsession...

...yes,I have another obsession. I have recently become obsessed with tea; I can't get enough of it. Strange, because I was never a tea-drinker before. I've been drinking lots of Orange Pekoe, and lots of herbal teas... oh well, at least I'm finally getting to use the nice teapots I have.

Obsession...

Okay, I'm currently obsessed with the idea of moving. No, we are not planning to move, but a part of me wants to move. I'd like to have a bigger house with more storage space; a basement would be really nice. My dream is to move somewhere where I would have acres of land, and a place to keep a horse or two. I'd like a green house, craft/ritual room, more space for bookshelves, a proper office...

When I say I'm obsessed, I mean I've actually been on mls.com looking at places that fit the bill, and I've circled their locations on the map and shown them to my husband. He's been very nice about it, looking at everything I show him... but I think he's just humouring me... oh well, at least he's not shooting down my dreams. But I really, really want to move!

Looking bright...

Yes, things are looking brighter. Every day last week, I managed to accomplish at least one small task, sometimes more. There was actually some consistency!!! Last night was my greatest accomplishment so far, though. I cooked supper and did most of the clean-up in the kitchen (until hubby kicked me out of the kitchen) despite the fact that I'm feeling like crap (have a head cold), and all I really wanted to do was to go crawl into bed. I managed to work through it, and then I treated myself to Ginseng tea afterwards. I am so proud of myself. Gilles then sent me to bed early, and I'm feeling a little better this morning.

Lonely...

Yeah, I'm feeling slightly lonely again. It seems I get this way when Gilles is working the 4-midnight shift. But it's slightly more than that. I am seriously lacking in female friends to hang out with, talk on the phone with, share joys with... Since having the kids I don't get out much, so it's a challenge to make new friends. It's my fault too, because I'm not interested in superficial friendships... I prefer the deeper sorts of friendships where there is love and trust. I have asked the Goddess to help me to find good friends, and I know She will provide.

Getting better?

I've been taking my newly prescribed Valproic Acid for 4 days now, and I think I'm seeing a slight improvement. I'm more encouraged as this improvement seems to be slow and steady instead of the jump up super-high that I've had with other meds. Yesterday I changed the sheets on all the beds (washed them and dried them, then put them back on the beds), cleaned both bathrooms, and kept the kitchen respectably clean. I also managed time on the computer, reading part of my novel (Blade of Fortriu), and a nap. Needless to say, I was pleased with the day.

Today, so far, I have washed two loads of Laundry, and am in the process of drying the 2nd load. Not bad for 9:30AM!

Been to the funny farm...I'm certifiable!

Yes, it's official. I have Bipolar Disorder, but that's all the details that I have right now. The doctor who did the evaluation is the head of the Depressive disorders clinic, and although he's qualified to see that I have bipolar, he wants to let the experts in the Bipolar Spectrum Clinic review my file and follow my case. So, I'm waiting for a phone call for another appointment to see the Bipolar Specialists; they will be able to classify the exact type of Bipolar I have (Bipolar I, Bipolar II, Cyclothemic, etc.) and they will help me to get well.

D-day

Yes, today is D-day... "Douglas Day" Today I will finally find out what's happening in my totally f---ed up brain. Maybe after today life will start getting back to normal (not that I have any idea what normal is for me anymore). Hopefully we will find a better combination of meds for me so I can stop being so depressed. I've had a few "highs" in the past, and I'm hoping that those "highs" are actually what's normal for me. Otherwise I'm telling the doctor that I want him to find a way to keep me on a constant "high." LOL...yeah, I know that there are ways to do that on my own, but I'd prefer something legal thank you very much.

Better but tired.

Well today has been much better for me. I had the kitchen nice and shiny by 8AM (thanks to my kids who decided it was time to be awake at 6AM). I also washed and hung out the laundry to dry. Now I just have to make sure I bring it in before it rains.

I had a 2-hour nap because, blissfully, both the kids actually napped at the same time. Zach usually doesn't nap, but today he fell asleep on the couch. Well, since Gilles is home today I would have napped anyway (even if the kids didn't).

I am still so tired, though. I really hate that I get tired so easily. Oh well, I'm not going to complain, because at least my mood is much better than it was.

Somewhat better...

Okay, I've been feeling a little less psychotic the past two days. My motivation is still seriously lacking, but at least I no longer have the desire to hurt people or to throw things!

My grandmother is in the hospital, but things are looking good. It seems all the while she's been taking anti-stroke meds, it was never that in the first place. It turns out that she's epileptic. Once again I reiterate from my last entry...stupid doctors!