An Important Community Service Announcement...

I would like to take time now to bring your attention to a very serious problem that plagues the Elementary Schools in this region, and I am beginning to suspect may also be a problem as much as to the National level, but my sources have yet to confirm this. Lurking in the darkest recesses (pardon the pun) of our Elementary schools is an infestation of epic proportions. In the places where even the most conscientious janitor dares not to venture you will find colonies thriving. These nasty little creatures are not easily spotted by the human eye, and they do not discriminate as to who will be their next victim, however they do have a strong preference for the younger children. Yes, these creatures are every parent's worst nightmare.... the Mutant Mitten Trolls!!!!

Highly intelligent and cunning, these creatures prey on the mittens of distracted children. The Mutant Mitten Troll will patiently observe it's prey (all day if necessary) in order to find just the right moment to pounce and abscond with said prey sight unseen; at the time of attack the Troll emits a noxious gas, similar in smell to that of a child's fart in order to confuse and further distract anyone in the immediate area... in the middle of the confusion, he makes his attack swiftly and escapes. In most cases, the child won't even notice the mitten is gone until the end of the school day. Now having a mitten stolen by one of these trolls wouldn't necessarily be a bad thing except for the fact that the Mutant Mitten Troll can only survive by eating only right-handed mittens...left-handed mittens are poisonous to the Troll and so he avoids them at all cost. Therefore you see the problem that then ensues at home because of this infestation. Children are constantly coming home with only their left- mittens... their right hands remain exposed to the elements and risk frostbite all because of these Mutant Mitten Trolls. We must find a solution to this problem... the sanity of many parents, and the warmth of our Children depend on it.

Thank you!