Update...

I spent the day on Friday waiting to see a Doctor at the Douglas hospital. I've been a mess, up and down in terms of my moods...and having scary thoughts. Anyway, the doctor I saw spent over an hour speaking with me getting a background, and trying to figure out what's happening (as opposed to the two other Psychiatrists I've had evaluations with who spent no more than 20 minutes with me) Anyway, this Doctor doesn't think I have Bi-polar disorder, but would like me to be evaluated by the "Affective Disorders" specialists at the Douglas for further information. He thinks that I suffer from a form of unipolar depression, and that I would be a good candidate for clinical research...LOL. He also gave me a new medication to try to see if it does anything for me, and he had me stop taking one of the other medications that just made me feel weird anyway.

I'm feeling pretty good today...I actually didn't have "fog-brain" when I woke up this morning, which was a very nice change!

Early Morning...

I was awakened at 4AM by Zachy crawling into bed with me; he had wet his bed. Then he wouldn't settle back to sleep, so we got out of bed so as not to awaken my husband (who's a very light sleeper). I got Zach settled on the couch with Dora, grapes and juice, and managed to catch a few more winks on the other couch in the living room... don't like waking early.

Change of plans...

So going to the Douglas today didn't happen...Mykah woke up crying around Midnight and didn't fall back asleep until 1:30AM. I'm looking at going on Monday which will allow me to not have to worry about the kids (Mom will care for them), and by leaving from Mom's, I can go via public transit! In other words, no driving anxiety.

Today, I'm feeling kind of melancholic. Gilles is working until midnight, and it's one of those evenings where I wish I had another adult around to keep me company. My thought patterns have been all wonky and scary, and I have tighness in my chest reaching around like tentacles attached to my spine. I really don't want to be alone tonight...I hate being so far from my family...I really have to expand my circle of friends (the chronic anxiety makes it challenging...and the bi-polar mood swings scare people.)

Today has been pretty much a bust in terms of housework, but I might get a couple of things done yet.

Tomorrow I'm off to the Douglas Hospital for an evaluation, and hopefully further referrals to get the help and support I need. My moods have still been way all over the place, and I'm fed up with it. My GP gave me the referral to the Douglas, and I hope they will follow me at one of their clinics...Psychiatry is somewhat different in that it's regulated by Postal Code (basically, you are limited to getting care in your local area) But the services out here don't seem so good, and most of the services available are in French only, so I'm hoping that will allow me to continue follow-up through the Douglas.

Beautiful desk...

My computer is all set up on the new desk, and it looks wonderful! I have "cubby holes" where I can keep the printer paper without it getting all dusty and mangled. There's a drawer where I can keep files, and miscellaneous drawers which are suitable for pens, pencils, staples, paperclips, 3-hole-punch, stapler, etc. Yay.

My husband rocks!!!!!

After spending the weekend at Mom's, it was nice to get home. Last night, my husband told me there would be a surprise waiting for me when I got home. I figured that he found a nice patio set, and had set it up in the back yard. So, when I checked the yard and there was no patio set, I was a little confuddled; especially since there were large, empty furniture boxes in the garage. I started checking the house to see if anything had changed. Well, when I walked into Mykah's Room/the computer room, I couldn't believe my eyes when I saw a beautiful roll-top computer desk! I had pointed it out in a sale paper to Gilles, and he said, "Yeah, it's nice. But it's too expensive, and not one of our priorities right now."

I am in awe. I cried (good tears) when I saw it... I just have to figure out where to put it now...ha ha...

Hmmm...

Okay, so I have accomplished nothing of substance today so far; don't foresee it happening either. Oh, wait, I picked up most of the kids' toys from the floor, and Mykah is in a clean diaper. Hah!

Great Weekend...

Well, this weekend was much better! Actually, I had a great weekend.

FRIDAY: went out to Mom's with the kids and Goliath, and had a fairly relaxing day.

SATURDAY: Had CMS L2 Class in which we decorated eggs using the Pysanka technique...I loved it, and will probably continue this as a hobby, perfecting the skill as I go.

TODAY: Did an egg hund with the kids. Zach was too funny...he squeals like a girl; he was so excited. Then my aunt Jo came to Mom's which was wonderful in itself because I hadn't seen her since sometime in 1997 after my Grammy passed on...you know, loved one passes on, grief makes some people act out in silly ways, people "lose touch" with one another. Luckily, our family was able to get past the silliness and focus on loving each other. I was so happy to see her again!

Now I'm sitting at the computer in Mykah's room, because he doesn't really want to sleep...I think he will just have to cry this one out.

Crappy weekend...

Well, the weekend was nice overall, but I just felt really crappy! I think I missed a few doses of my meds, because I was feeling pretty down for most of the weekend. Also it didn't help that Dad came by Mom's and they had a huge yelling match which got my sons upset and scared. By Saturday morning, I was shaky, and having full-blown panic attacks! Needless to say, nobody slept well Friday night (Mykah and Zach both woke up at 2AM and didn't want to go back to sleep). So, I missed the gem show because I was in no shape to drive anywhere. I took 2 anti-anxiety pills before bed on Saturday; on Sunday, I had that "pea soup fog" in my brain...I couldn't stop from shaking, and I was having a hell of a time just trying to keep my eyes open!

Maybe working at home?

Well, I spoke to my supervisor today, telling her that Gilles and I decided that I need to be home with the kids. She didn't realize that in order for me to work that Mykah was living with my Mom for 2 weeks, then home for one. Having kids of her own, she's very understanding. I mentioned that if it was feasible that I could continue to do the transcripts, if I was allowed to work from home. She can't make the decision, but will speak to the person who can and let me know today. So keep your fingers crossed for me; this would be an incredible option for me if it happens.

Growlies....

I hate this waking up with "fog in the brain". I've been reading a book on bi-polar disorder, and I'm wondering if I'm having what they call "medication hangovers.?" All I know is that it sucks big time... Probably didn't help that I didn't sleep very well last night. I woke up around 1 AM with horrible stomach pains...I'm talking many knives sticking me and twisting here... whatever it was, it was gone when I woke up this morning, but then there's still the foggy brain issue. Didn't get housework done...didn't do any reading... Oh well, at least the kids got fed and are wearing clean clothes...oops, I take that part about clean clothes back... Mykah just spit milk all over himself...growl.