Healing...

I mentioned in one of my posts yesterday about how I have undergone a healing and transformation process over the course of the past few years that finally seemed to come full-circle in 2011. I now realize that this healing process began almost simultaneously with the diagnosis of the Bipolar disorder. On August 26, 2006 I posted about a series of wonky recurring dreams that I had been having where I would travel to a Chinese temple. At that temple a Chinese elder (whom I now believe was perhaps an Ascended Master) would work on me, knitting together the fibers within my brain…reorganizing and restructuring them to function properly. Now I would still have to deal with Doctors and medication, and struggle with an emotional roller-coaster for the next 5 years, but I believe healing was occurring, and I received confirmation of this fact almost 2 years after this dream.

On May 28, 2008 I found myself with a rare free moment where I chose to spend that time in meditation. I had forgotten to take my medication that morning, and as I meditated, I received a gentle nudge from my guides to go take them… as I argued the point with them (as stubborn people like me are apt to do) I also received a promise from them. They said, “It is important at this moment… for now, you need to take them (medication) as you’re supposed to . Do not worry about the rest. Your healing is happening. We are with you and we have begun the healing process, Dear One. But, for now, you still need the medications. Rest assured that the day will come when you will be free of this. Healing is happening on many levels, but for now you must continue with your treatment.” WOW! Of course the skeptic in me wondered if this were really true, or just wishful thinking on my part, so I asked for a sign. As my gaze fell across the yard to the boys’ swing-set, a male cardinal landed on the exact spot where I was looking. Even then I wondered, but I did get up to go take my meds.

That promise stuck with me, and from time to time I wondered how long it would be until it would come to pass…although part of me never expected it would be possible, and I almost even totally forgot about the promise I received that day. I focused on following my treatment and trying to improve myself every day…every day I had to fight through the fog of the medication-induced haze. Time passed and eventually my former Psychiatrist resigned his job and I was transferred to a new Psychiatrist...and that was a whole mess of shit. Every time I was scheduled to have an appointment with this new doctor, something managed to get in the way…one of the children came down with a fever… car broke down… and a couple of times the Doctor had to cancel. My opinion of her plummeted when I fought through my driving anxiety and got to the hospital for my 9:30 AM appointment one day only to be told that it had been cancelled. “Oh Madame, I called you at home but you didn’t answer. We called you just after 9AM!” Sure, fat lot of good that does when I live over an hour away and had to leave the house at 8AM just to be on time! Long story short, almost a year ended up passing without me ever having an appointment with this doctor. In May 2011 my prescription renewals were about to expire, and I called the Psychiatrist’s office (as I had been instructed to) in order to get the Dr. to call the pharmacy for a renewal. The secretary returned my call to inform me that the new doctor absolutely would not renew my meds because she had never met me and could not provide me with an appointment until at least a month after I would end up running out of medication. *NB: when I began taking the medications, it was drilled into my head that I should NEVER, ever stop taking the medication for any reason, and here my doctor was putting me in a situation where that’s exactly what I would be forced to do.

So I was forced to stop my medication over 6 months ago…I was scared…but I had no choice… I am proud to say that my head is clear, and I have been more stable than I have ever been in my life. It has been consistent, and it is wonderful.