Some venting...

The health care system really, really pisses me off! I know I need more help than I am currently getting, and yet I seem to be nowhere in getting it. When I started the Risperdal, it lifted me out of the funk I was in at the time, and it lasted longer than anything has so far, but alas, it was not long term. Now we have to up the dose of Risperdal to get me back to normal until it decides to stop working again! I was supposed to have a follow-up at the Douglas with the Depressive disorders clinic, but the waiting list is longer than I was led to believe, and still no further word from them. I feel that I am in need of more intensive treatment, monitoring of my meds, and most likely, counselling. Is a hospitalization in order? I don't know; I don't feel I'm coping well with life, but I wonder if I'm serious enough to take up a hospital space. It's just so hard to know, because at times I do really well, but when I crash, I crash hard. I mean, I told my Doctor where my thought patterns had been going lately, and asked about hospitalization, but I guess he didn't think it necessary! I am so frustrated, and pissed off, and I don't know what to do anymore. Is it possible to get the help I need? I hate this up and down...I'm going to completely lose it one day.